Skip to main content

What to do?

I don't know what to do.

After college I mean.

My last few posts have been about how incredibly much I will miss college. But this one's about how absolutely terrified I am of what happens next.

Where do I go from here? Do I study further or do I work? I'm afraid to leave the comfort of college and begin working and even more afraid to start working without the proper knowledge that I may require so that I do not come across as a complete ignoramus.

As of now, I want to do journalism. I know that. But what about sometime down the line. What if decide I don't like it. What do I do then? Maybe I should have just stuck to doing a B.A or something?

What if I don't get into a good college for my post-graduation? If I'm forced to begin working when I'm not really ready.

Do I study abroad or in Bombay or even a different city in India?

I wish I was phenomenally talented at one specific thing. Maybe drawing or singing or sports or something. So that I would know exactly what to do.

And not have this horrible feeling of standing at the edge of the cliff and not knowing what lies below.

And how do I explain all of this to my parents, without coming across like a whiny, self-obsessed brat who even after 5 years of college doesn't know what she wants to do next.

What will happen next? Five years down the line? Ten? I'm not saying I want to know the future. I'm saying I would want to have some idea of what to expect or at least along what lines my life will be running. Professionally.

About my personal life, I couldn't care less. Whatever has to happen will happen. It's the professional that scares the s*** out of me cause I want to have goals and dreams and if I'm unsure of what I want to be how do I set those goals?

Major sorting out needed.

Comments

sodamncool said…
I quote a famous person

"Who the hell cares where we land up...just hit it"

Things will fall into place as days pass...if it is any consolation, I figured out what I wanted to do two years after I graduated from college and this is not 12th ka college but actual Bachelors Degree...

U seem to have a good head on ur shoulders...So you will be fine because atleast you realize you need to figure things out..
neha said…
u sound like ELIZA DOOLITTLE!
nd about wat u will do after ur college...dont worry..u'll figure out something...and i am sure something very interesting!!!

best of luck! ;)
Xorkes said…
this is something i keep mentioning in my blogs too.. confused all d time bout future..

all i can say is,
dont think much!! so far things have happened haphazardly(hehehe)n it will "hopefully" continue for a BETTER future.. ;)
Gentle Whispers said…
@ Sodamncool : Thank you for the vote of confidence. I really really appreciate it.

@ Neha: I know. There's been too much of whining happening from my side lately. But I was having a lot of doubts lately and I needed to vent. You have no idea how much money on therapy my blog saves me!

@ Xorkes. Yup. Constantly hoping and praying!

Popular posts from this blog

Remembering Avanti

Day before yesterday, on the 8th of November 2008, Avanti Desai would have turned 21. Instead 15 days before her birthday, as she hurried home to celebrate her grandmother's birthday, Avanti met with a train accident at Jogeshwari station.

Just like that. Gone from our lives forever. Leaving behind a huge void and the world a lot more gloomier.

And when I got the call first thing in the morning, I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a cruel sadistic joke, but as the calls kept coming in, I realised it was true. Even at the cemetary,, it still hadn't sunk in that Avanti was no longer here. The worst moment though was watching her disappear into the crematorium, it was horrible and I couldn't believe we were leaving her there, and through the next couple of hours all I could think of was of her going up in smoke while we stood there in the bright sunshine.

It seemed incomprehensible at first, to think of Avanti as dead, to talk about her in the past tense, to get used…

Wanderlust Part Deux

I came across this in a Danielle Steele book. Who said you can't get anything good out of those books? One of my favourite poems and one I read virtually every time I get the urge to travel.

Wander, wander,
wandering
meandering,
the urge to roam,
to dance,
to fly,
to be,
the search for
free,
the need to see
to go
to find
to search
to do,
my thirsts
so easily quenched
so close to home
and yours so grand,
so elegant,
so marvelous,
climbing mountaintops
and elephants
and tiger hunts
and dancing bears
and far off stars
and trips to mars
and all of it
so wild,
so vast,
so free,
as you go wander,
wander,
wandering,
and then the best
part of all
when, satisfied,
complete,
and happy now,
you wander
slowly
home
to me.

Tags

Over the last two days, I've slept for a grand total of 7 hours and therefore, I am now finding it extremely difficult to concentrate on the mountain of files piled on my desk and screaming to be dealt with. Instead, I am overwhelmed by the urge to blog, but what about, I wasn't too sure, my writing muse having last been seen cackling madly and disappearing away into the sunset.

When in such dire straits, what else is there to do but take up one of the millions of tags floating around the Internet. So without much further ado, here we go:
1. What have you realized recently? That I am not the model of perfection I always thought I was and some changes might be in order. 
2. Have you given your first kiss away? I'm not one to kiss and tell. Well, not on public forums anyway. 
3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 5 blog buddies you would take? Ahem, hard choices, but fine, The Mad Momma, Una Madridista, Not Quite Nigella, Yonearthnot and Dylan 4th Dim…