Skip to main content


Showing posts from September, 2012

Gut-wrenching Want

Today, I'm wanting. I'm wanting so bad, I can feel it with an intensity that makes my hands tremble as I type this, that keeps my stomach churning at super-sonic pace and keeps me unable to focus on anything else. The kind of wanting that has you reaching out to take, barely able to control yourself.

It's rare to be presented with an opportunity like the one I've just received and if everything goes the way it ideally should, it will be a once in a lifetime experience and that's why I'm so worried and anxious.

If I don't receive it though, I know that a tiny part of me will splinter and die. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic, maybe I'm not. I don't know. I have wonderful family and friends and I know that they will always be there to support me. But I also know what a solitary creature I am and how my deepest wounds are only aired in private. That I rarely ask for help, I ask for prayers, for good thoughts, but rarely to be helped.

Anyway, ba…