Skip to main content

Back against the Wall

I'm a fairly easy-going person. Very laid back. I don't take offence easily. I don't hold grudges and I generally forgive. I never react and if I'm hurt by something I generally don't let people see it. I live and let live. And I'm the least judgmental person around.

But lately, I've realised that these qualities of mine have led to me getting more and more hurt lately. I keep getting picked on because I don't retaliate. And it's not a recent phenomenon. Its been going on since I was a kid and continues even now. The only thing that has changed is I don't take it lying down anymore. I'm more quick to anger and demand apologies immediately like I said here.

Take yesterday for instance. I was out for a family party. All my cousins, aunts, uncles, extended family were all there. The computer was on and I thought I would just go on and see what was happening in the online world. I was barely on for five minutes when an aunt of mine came in and said "If you wanted to go on the net, you shouldn't have come. You should have stayed home and if you want to be on the computer, leave now and go back." I realized I was in the wrong and I started shutting everything down. She came back in the next five minutes and repeated the same thing which is when I saw red. And when I get pissed, I really really get pissed.

I shut down the computer and I walked away. I wanted to leave but considering it was 10 in the night, my mom wouldn't let me leave alone so I stayed. I didn't eat dinner. I didn't speak to anybody but I stayed.

Fine, I shouldn't have been anti-social and gone on the computer but even if I did. So bloody what? It wasn't that big a crime that required her to say something like that. Especially considering the fact that other people were using the computer before me and she didn't say anything to them.

And what really took my goat was that everyone took my aunt's side and nobody seemed to realize how humiliating it was for me and how unfair it was that while other people were using the computer it was only when I used it that she seemed to flare up. They thought I was over-reacting.

Aarghhhhhhh. I was irritated yesterday and I still am today. I woke up thinking about it and my entire mood for the New Year has been ruined.

What gives people the right to judge other people and say things that are totally out of line and insulting to them. Why they take advantage of the fact that they are older and therefore a younger person saying something back becomes automatically rude and disrespectful.

Why is it alright for people to judge me and tell me what to do and tell my parents how to bring us up properly. I mean, its like wtf? My parents don't go around telling my aunts and uncles what to do, how to bring up their children, tell their children how to eat, walk, dress, behave. How to live their lives. But they do. And its all done under the guise of concern. Sometimes it is concern, sometimes its plain old jealousy and the desire to cut us down to size.

If their children are corrected, they get very very angry. They say they know whats best for their children and they don't need advice. They jump to the defence of their children, make a million and one excuses for them and the way they behave and that time the whole "concern" thing doesn't really work.

Anyway, I've decided this is the last time, I'm going to take any shit from anyone. Next time, I'm going to just give back as good as I get and screw the whole respect thing.

P.S: This is my 50th post on Blogger!! Yay me!!!


na said…
Tit-for-Tat makes way for an impressive milestone in your Blogging History, if any!

I'm eager to read your 51st blog-post, marking the dawn of your blogging era in 2008.
Anonymous said…
Allan: Thank you. Hope to see more of you here. And the 51st post should be here soon. Im working on it right now in fact.
na said…

Good to know that you liked the photograph. The picture was taken at Churchgate station, in early 2007.

I'm been away from posting at my Photo Blog for quite sometime and will be too (Exams...!). But, thanks for link to my Blog. I'll add yours once I'm back to Blogging.

Until then,

Popular posts from this blog


I watched an Ellen DeGeneres show a few months, perhaps years ago, where they had a man on who had a major weight loss transformation, and he said something that has stayed with me ever since. "Being fat is isolating."

It hit me hard and has stayed with me ever since. Being fat is isolating and who would know that better than I? Being fat has somehow made me less of a person. I'm defined by my weight, it seems now. Ever so often I hear, "She's such a pretty girl, but...."; "She's so smart but.... "; "She has such a pretty smile but... "

I've been looked through, skimmed over, ignored, even when I know what I'm talking about while others skinnier have received all the attention in the world.

It's been assumed that I can't do anything but eat. My interest in football, in being outdoors, in books are all somehow secondary to the kilos on my scale.

The comments/the jibes/the hurt - they've come from all directions, f…

The Roaring Twenties

So here I am on the eve of my 30th birthday, my very last day of being 29, just about 4 hours left of being a twenty-something.

A couple of years ago, I remember snidely chuckling away to myself, when a favourite blogger of mine turned 30, believing that it was so far away, it could never touch me. I'm regretting that now.

And to be honest, I thought I would be okay, I really honestly truly believed that I would be greeting this new decade with a casual insouciance and indifference that would normally be characteristic for me, but I'm not. I'm terrified of how quickly my twenties have zoomed by and how little I've accomplished and perhaps that is what is upsetting me.

On the cusp of another decade on this planet, well, I feel like a bit of a failure. No, scratch that, I feel majorly like a failure. I'm drowning in self-pity and anguish at wasted opportunities, at thrown-away chances, at my inherent laziness and procrastination, at my never-ending ability to put of…

Kindle vs Books

A few months ago, I sat with my BFFs (I think now might be the time to stop reading Cosmo) and we spoke late into the night about life, love and careers. What was going right and where we'd gone wrong. What needed major surgery and the bits that needed a little bit of tinkering. In the contentment of being all together after what felt like a long time. It didn't matter that it was 4 AM. It didn't matter that I had to be at work bright and early the next morning. I didn't even feel the ache in my bones or my eyes struggling to stay open.

But that's not what this is about. A conversation came up in which I participated very little. It was about Kindles vs eBooks. 'Books are books', they said, 'Kindles are nothing'. While I sat back chuckling to myself, wondering, what exactly were we arguing about here? I'd be the last person to tell you that Kindles are all good. I love old books and I love new ones. I love sinking my nose into the spine of a bo…