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Let it Be

After a recent spate of Strangers in the Mist posts, I have now decided to move on. Cause quite frankly speaking, I was tired of looking at them every single time I opened the damn blog. But what I am sad about though, is that there's so much of the trip I haven't written about. Some of the most beautiful, touching moments and I feel a distinct sense of loss there.

Anyway, this post is not about that. This post is about friendship and knowing when to accept things as they are and move on. To give other people a chance to realise where they're wrong and make their own amends and not let them off the hook that easily.

I'm one of those people who can never say 'No'. I didn't know it myself but I had an epiphany recently and I realised that in fact I do get dumped on a hell of a lot. And I don't mean in material terms, I mean in terms of heart and soul.

All those who know me, will attest to the fact, that I'm a hot-tempered person. But I am as quick to forgive and forget as I am to flare up. Whenever I fight with a friend and we stop speaking, no matter whether I'm in the right or in the wrong, I make the first move to start talking to that person again. For me, the fight or the cause of it is never as important as the person and therefore there are very few people I don't speak to at all anymore.

And I don't like that. Because lately as I'm coming to realise, I'm beginning to be taken as a pushover. You can do whatever the hell you want and at the end of the day I'll come back and speak to you. And somewhere that doesn't strike me as right.

Take yesterday for instance, we are this group of five friends, four of whom are guys. And yes, its always been this way, I was a total tomboy since I was a little kid and I've always had more guy friends than girls. They're my best buddies from the colony I live in right now. And I love all of them very very much. They give me the guy's perspective on things and they get the girl's outlook.

Anyway, I'm closer to one of them than I am to any of the others. I call him especially all the time. And tell him every little thing and vice versa.

Then what's the problem you ask?

Well, we went a little overboard in our teasing recently. (Come on, we're teenagers, what else can we do.) And he got very pissed off. Understandable. What is not understandable on the other hand, is that out of everybody, I'm the one he chooses not to speak to. Why? Beyond me.

Anyway, in my typical way, last night while we were all hanging around and talking, I was feeling more and more upset with the fact, that he wasn't speaking to me. It just didn't seem right and I couldn't let go and enjoy myself fully knowing that there was someone there who wasn't talking to me. And as the night wore on, I came closer and closer to tears, the alcohol didn't help my emotional state either. I went up to him and I tried to talk to him. At which point, I was pushed away.

Fine. Point taken. I lost my by now famous temper and walked off. Firmly resolving not to talk to him unless and until he came up to me first.

And all of today, we didn't speak a single word to each other.

And I'm so upset that every time I think of the fact that he's ignoring me or even that I'll be seeing him again and not talking to him, I get this almost physical pain in my chest. And it makes me want to cry.

I've thought of going up to him and talking to him. But I have my pride too. And I don't think it's right that every time I'm the one who compromises and gives in. So I'm just gonna let things be and see what happens.

And in the words of my friend Joel, "Let It Be, GW"

Also to JF : Happy Birthday. May all your dreams and hopes come true. This last year has been an amazing ride knowing you and I can't wait to see what comes next.

Comments

Mynie said…
Just give it time and all will be fine. The reason why he remains upset with you despite getting along with others might be the same reason why you are hurt despite knowing that it's not a big deal - you are the closest of the bunch to him, like he is to you. He probably wanted you to know when you're going overboard better than the rest, because you know him more/better than the rest.
Sometimes people just need their time to get over things. This is something I've learnt after I 've made friends like you! He has enough reason to be upset and you have enough reasons to stay put at your place and wait for him to make a move now.
At the end of it all, everything will be back to normal and that's what counts.
P.S.: I'm advising you all this publicly only because you demanded!
Moo said…
You're right. You don't need to go on and bend over backwards for friends to talk you, especially when you've tried making it up to them / or you're not in the wrong in the true sense of the term. :) You need to speak to him because he's your best bud, but shouldn't he feel that way, too? And believe me, he will. I bet he's dying to grab the phone and dial your number, but it's always pride that comes in the way. No worries, tiffs happen. When it's all over, both of you are going to laugh at all the stupidity and wonder why a stupid misunderstanding made you waste a day of having fun! :) But believe me, these things make the friendship stronger. Don't be upset.

*hugs* :)
Homecooked said…
Hey give it some time and I'm sure it will resolve itself.You know you are hurt the most by people closest to you.So this best friend of yours must be feeling really bad that you also joined in the teasing and was hurt by it.So the only way he knows to retaliate is by not speaking to u. I know it hurts not to talk to your best friend.By the way were you teasing him with another girl :) Maybe he likes you :).....just kidding okay,dont be mad at me. You know guys can be total morons sometimes ... just give it a couple of days and then call him up. Seriously such small things are not worth losing your best friend over.It wont make u a pushover beleive me.
Gentle Whispers said…
@ Mynie & Moo : Thank both of you so much. The advice was wonderful.

@ Homecooked : Thank you so much. And yup, you hit the nail on the head, we were teasing him with another girl. But what else could we do? Considering he spends all his time messaging her and ignoring us.
Gentle Whispers said…
@ Homecooked : And dont worry, Im not mad at you in the slightest.

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