Let it Be

After a recent spate of Strangers in the Mist posts, I have now decided to move on. Cause quite frankly speaking, I was tired of looking at them every single time I opened the damn blog. But what I am sad about though, is that there's so much of the trip I haven't written about. Some of the most beautiful, touching moments and I feel a distinct sense of loss there.

Anyway, this post is not about that. This post is about friendship and knowing when to accept things as they are and move on. To give other people a chance to realise where they're wrong and make their own amends and not let them off the hook that easily.

I'm one of those people who can never say 'No'. I didn't know it myself but I had an epiphany recently and I realised that in fact I do get dumped on a hell of a lot. And I don't mean in material terms, I mean in terms of heart and soul.

All those who know me, will attest to the fact, that I'm a hot-tempered person. But I am as quick to forgive and forget as I am to flare up. Whenever I fight with a friend and we stop speaking, no matter whether I'm in the right or in the wrong, I make the first move to start talking to that person again. For me, the fight or the cause of it is never as important as the person and therefore there are very few people I don't speak to at all anymore.

And I don't like that. Because lately as I'm coming to realise, I'm beginning to be taken as a pushover. You can do whatever the hell you want and at the end of the day I'll come back and speak to you. And somewhere that doesn't strike me as right.

Take yesterday for instance, we are this group of five friends, four of whom are guys. And yes, its always been this way, I was a total tomboy since I was a little kid and I've always had more guy friends than girls. They're my best buddies from the colony I live in right now. And I love all of them very very much. They give me the guy's perspective on things and they get the girl's outlook.

Anyway, I'm closer to one of them than I am to any of the others. I call him especially all the time. And tell him every little thing and vice versa.

Then what's the problem you ask?

Well, we went a little overboard in our teasing recently. (Come on, we're teenagers, what else can we do.) And he got very pissed off. Understandable. What is not understandable on the other hand, is that out of everybody, I'm the one he chooses not to speak to. Why? Beyond me.

Anyway, in my typical way, last night while we were all hanging around and talking, I was feeling more and more upset with the fact, that he wasn't speaking to me. It just didn't seem right and I couldn't let go and enjoy myself fully knowing that there was someone there who wasn't talking to me. And as the night wore on, I came closer and closer to tears, the alcohol didn't help my emotional state either. I went up to him and I tried to talk to him. At which point, I was pushed away.

Fine. Point taken. I lost my by now famous temper and walked off. Firmly resolving not to talk to him unless and until he came up to me first.

And all of today, we didn't speak a single word to each other.

And I'm so upset that every time I think of the fact that he's ignoring me or even that I'll be seeing him again and not talking to him, I get this almost physical pain in my chest. And it makes me want to cry.

I've thought of going up to him and talking to him. But I have my pride too. And I don't think it's right that every time I'm the one who compromises and gives in. So I'm just gonna let things be and see what happens.

And in the words of my friend Joel, "Let It Be, GW"

Also to JF : Happy Birthday. May all your dreams and hopes come true. This last year has been an amazing ride knowing you and I can't wait to see what comes next.