It's the end of the year and I'm filled with weird emotions. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad and worst of all, a little bit afraid of what the New Year brings with it- The end of college life, results, my future, to study further or no? All possibly life-changing decisions and I have no idea what to decide or even how to go about deciding.
2007 has been a good idea. I don't remember quite a lot of it but I don't think anything really bad happened. All in all, it was a good year. Some good moments, some bad. Beauty, hope, love and trust and plain old fun. They triumphed over hate, ugliness, distrust and boredom.
And now 2008 is here. A New Year. Time to start afresh. Make new beginnings and approach a new year with new resolve, hope and determination. I have made a few resolutions for the New Year. None unrealistic. None unachievable. I have made a few predictable ones though.
1) I will try to lose more weight. (Come on, that had to be on the list.)
2) Don't be such a push-over.
3) Don't take shit from anyone.
4) Give more of myself and of my time.
5) Read more
6) Get out of my comfort zone.
7) Make much more of an effort to have conversations with people I meet.
8) Stand up for my friends and what I believe in
9) Study! Study Study!
10) Shed all inhibitions. ( With limitations of course, I do NOT want my parents to disown me.)
And I want 2008 to be even better than 2007 was. With new friends and new experiences. Much more joy, hope, happiness, beauty, love.
I want to live 2008 as fully as I lived 2007.
But no matter what happens, the hope of a better tommorow will carry me ahead.
19:46
16:35
I'm a fairly easy-going person. Very laid back. I don't take offence easily. I don't hold grudges and I generally forgive. I never react and if I'm hurt by something I generally don't let people see it. I live and let live. And I'm the least judgmental person around.
But lately, I've realised that these qualities of mine have led to me getting more and more hurt lately. I keep getting picked on because I don't retaliate. And it's not a recent phenomenon. Its been going on since I was a kid and continues even now. The only thing that has changed is I don't take it lying down anymore. I'm more quick to anger and demand apologies immediately like I said here.
Take yesterday for instance. I was out for a family party. All my cousins, aunts, uncles, extended family were all there. The computer was on and I thought I would just go on and see what was happening in the online world. I was barely on for five minutes when an aunt of mine came in and said "If you wanted to go on the net, you shouldn't have come. You should have stayed home and if you want to be on the computer, leave now and go back." I realized I was in the wrong and I started shutting everything down. She came back in the next five minutes and repeated the same thing which is when I saw red. And when I get pissed, I really really get pissed.
I shut down the computer and I walked away. I wanted to leave but considering it was 10 in the night, my mom wouldn't let me leave alone so I stayed. I didn't eat dinner. I didn't speak to anybody but I stayed.
Fine, I shouldn't have been anti-social and gone on the computer but even if I did. So bloody what? It wasn't that big a crime that required her to say something like that. Especially considering the fact that other people were using the computer before me and she didn't say anything to them.
And what really took my goat was that everyone took my aunt's side and nobody seemed to realize how humiliating it was for me and how unfair it was that while other people were using the computer it was only when I used it that she seemed to flare up. They thought I was over-reacting.
Aarghhhhhhh. I was irritated yesterday and I still am today. I woke up thinking about it and my entire mood for the New Year has been ruined.
What gives people the right to judge other people and say things that are totally out of line and insulting to them. Why they take advantage of the fact that they are older and therefore a younger person saying something back becomes automatically rude and disrespectful.
Why is it alright for people to judge me and tell me what to do and tell my parents how to bring us up properly. I mean, its like wtf? My parents don't go around telling my aunts and uncles what to do, how to bring up their children, tell their children how to eat, walk, dress, behave. How to live their lives. But they do. And its all done under the guise of concern. Sometimes it is concern, sometimes its plain old jealousy and the desire to cut us down to size.
If their children are corrected, they get very very angry. They say they know whats best for their children and they don't need advice. They jump to the defence of their children, make a million and one excuses for them and the way they behave and that time the whole "concern" thing doesn't really work.
Anyway, I've decided this is the last time, I'm going to take any shit from anyone. Next time, I'm going to just give back as good as I get and screw the whole respect thing.
P.S: This is my 50th post on Blogger!! Yay me!!!
01:31
1) Go back-packing through Europe
2) Vist all the Seven Wonders of the World- Ancient, Medevial, Natural, Underwater, Forgotten, Modern, Forgotten Natural, Forgotten Modern, Forgotten Medevial. ( I found this website where they have a listing of all these. How many are still standing I don't really know. Anyway for those of you who are interested, this is the link
3) Watch a football match preferably Barcelona Vs Real Madrid or even anything involving Manchester United at Old Trafford.
4) Watch an NBA game- The All-Star one
5) Visit the concentration camps in Germany like Auschwitz
6) Be in Germany for Oktoberfest
7) Go on the plane trip which lets you see the curve of the earth. (I saw this on Discovery. Some place in Russia apparently
8) Visit Rio Di Janeiro at Carnival time.
9) Walk down the Champ-Elysees in Paris
10) Buy Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik shoes, a Louis Vuitton bag and a Chanel dress
11) Trek up Mount Everest
12) Participate in a game of Paintball
13) Be on Oprah Winfrey when she has the Christmas episode where she gives away all the free stuff
14) Be a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist
15) Be published in the New Yorker and The Economist
16) Live in the Himalayas for a year at least
17) Get a tattoo
18) Be a character in the Simpsons
19) Meet John Abraham, Aamir Khan and Brad Pitt and I mean really meet
20) Have a really long conversation with Michael Jordan about the joys of basketball
21)Be Part of the Olympics either as a spectator or as an athlete
22) Watch Roger Federer play at Wimbledon and only at Wimbledon
23) Shoot a wildlife film in the Serengeti in Africa
24) Explore the rainforests in Brazil
25) Go to Mecca and Jerusalem
26) Learn to fly a plane
*Shall add more as and when I remember them
00:43
It's been a jolly good Christmas season this year and I have totally enjoyed myself in every way possible.
The 24th was quite okay. Great in fact but nothing compared to the 25th. What an amazing amazing night I've had and one that will go down as my best Christmases ever!
It was at the Taj Lands End in Bandra. The dress code was strictly formal and I love that. I love seeing guys in suits. In fact for me, there's nothing hotter than a guy in a well cut suit. But I'm digressing.
They had a band that was playing lovely jive and waltz music. I heart bands. I'm definitely having one when I get married. Ten Thirty deadline be damned. Even if they get to play for only 2 hours, Play they will!!!
But the best part of the night was the alcohol. It just flowed and I got totally soaked.
Margheritas-Kiwi, Litchi, Strawberry
Blue Lagoons
Cosmopolitans
Martinis
And after imbibing much alcohol, I tried to be all James Bond-ish and asked the bartender for a Martini- shaken not stirred. I kid you not. Whereupon the bartender gave me this really weird look kinda like Wtf? But in my happily tipsy state I failed to retaliate.
I even succeeded in falling on my butt on the crowded dance floor but with my uber coolness I managed to make it seem like a never seen before dance move.
And if you believe that you will believe anything.
The rest of the night you ask? Pretty much a blur!!
P.S : I'm on a blogging roll. 4 posts in 6 hours. Not bad. Not bad at all. I'm hoping this lasts though. In fact, I've already got a resolution for the New Year. At least 10 posts a month.
00:14
I've just been lazing around today reading blogs non-stop. One of which is The Compulsive Confessor and the other is the MadMomma.
And after reading them I feel woefully inadequate. They write so so beautifully in ways that I can only dream about and make me question what ever made me think I could be a writer or a journalist. Im imaging myself as so terrible no newspaper or magazine will ever hire me and I will have to work at a Call Centre. A fate worse than death. For Me at least.
But other than that, I'm jealous of the wonderful lives they seem to lead. There's so much happening and mine seems to be so totally mundane and dull in comparison. They meet so many interesting people, do so many interesting things. Even the most ordinary things in their lives are so much better than mine. With so much flair and fun and joy!!
I'm aware that is a whiny, self-absorbed post but the diet is making me kinda cranky. But don't feel too sorry for me, dear, gentle reader, tomorrow I'll be out with my friends, living it up and thinking about how I lead such a cool life and what cool friends I have and how everybody just wants to be me.
P.S : Does 20 count as being teenage?
23:45
I've decided to go on a diet and I've already hit the cravings phase.
And for the entire two days that I've been on it, I've stuck to it faithfully. And now I feel I absolutely need to eat something on my list or I will die.
I live on melodrama.
And what I'm longing for are :-
1) Potato Wedges and French Fries with extra mayonnaise on the side from McDonalds. (Theirs is the only mayonnaise I like. Anybody else know where I can get some?)
2) A large Mutton with Cheese burger from Bembos
3) Spicy Goan Sausages with plenty of freshly baked 'pav'.
4) Mutton Biryani from my friend Sarah's house.
5) Kheema Pav from Khayani near St Xavier's College.
6) Bheja Masala from Paramount restaraunt in Mahim.
7) Seekh Kebabs from the lane leading to the Mahim dargah
8) Maggi noodles with Cheese. (The only dish I cook)
9) Tandoori chicken from Bandra station
10) Mashed Potatoes and Fish from Molly Malone's Irish Pub
11) Chicken Schezwan Noodles 'Anda Marke' from my college canteen
12) Bavarian Chocolate Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins
13) Grilled Fish with Butter Garlic Sauce
14) My Grandmother's Pork Sorpotel
15) Choc-a-Vloc from Cafe Coffee Day (I refuse to call it CCD)
16) A vada-pav with extra spicy chutney from Pipasa near Borivli Station
17) Dahi Batata Puri from a guy in my colony.
18) Chicken Manchurian Rolls from Papa Joe's in Borivli
19) Sharwma from Shalimar on Mohammed Ali Road. (Its the best I've found in the city)
20) A giant glass of sugarcane juice from the guy opposite FabIndia in Colaba
21) Mutton Roll from Venus Bakery in Bandra
21) Chicken Cheese Franky from Churchgate Station
22) Pepper Steak Sizzler from Pop Tates
23) Egg Burmese and Mauritian Omlettes from the St Xavier's Mess
24) Crab curry and Bangda Rechar Masala from SuzaLobos in Goa
25) Chicken Cafreal from Florentines in Goa
26) Crab with Butter Garlic Sauce from Mahesh Lunch Home
27) Chilly Garlic Potatoes and Chicken Puffs from Sassanian Cafe in Dhobi Talao
And you wonder why I'm fat. Or as I prefer 'Not thin'
20:13
I am in complete shock right now. Benazir Bhutto assasinated.
And I can only imagine the situation in Pakistan right now. Their country has lost a leader. Now they have no sense of direction pollitcally too. Even a postponed elections will have lost its slight sense of legitimacy with Ms Bhutto dead and Nawaz Sharif having backed out.
The Americans have lost their trump card in Benazir Bhutto and they will now look to Nawaz Sharif. A new playing ground for the elections with new rules will have to be laid down. Whether 'level' or not remains to be seen.
Pakistan is now in a state of chaos. The attack took place in Rawalpindi which is a garrison town and brings in the possibility of Army involvement. The People's Party of Pakistan and other independent organisations blame the Army.
Musharaff in the two hours since the attack has been involved in a high-level meeting in Islamabad. A state of high-alert has been declared in Pakistan and the Indian government has stepped up security at the Line Of Control and the international border.
What does Musharaff do now? Does he postpone the elections or let the political process continue?
Benazir Bhutto was a spark of hope for India too with regard to India-Pakistan relations. She spoke of the need for a moderate face to rule Pakistan and of ending religious fundamentalism. And in her very own words, a 'Friend of India'. She held a lot of promise for reforming relations with India. She stirred hope in the people of Pakistan and will always be regarded as a great leader.
Pakistan mourns and so do people all over the world.
00:01
Christmas is coming and I somehow am really not excited about it which is contrary to the way I usually feel. Normally, I'm all excited, jumping around, stuffing myself to the gills with sweets and just generally being all christmassy. I even run around wearing red, green and white.
And somehow I'm very very sad about this. I was more excited about Diwali which technically isn't even my festival. I wonder what to do. Even my christmas plans don't have me cheering up. It's all the stress I'm dealing with I guess. And it comes from the people I least expect it to- FAMILY!!
Here's hoping for a much happier New Year.
Anyway, a very Merry Christmas to all my wonderful readers out there and may you have an absolutely amazing New Year ahead.
22:38
Is Christmas Eve! And I'm never going to get ready in time. But the worse is yet to come. My mum will soon embark on her annual spring cleaning spree which takes place just before Christmas and drives us all insane. But at the end of the day, seeing the house sparkling clean gives me a deep sense of satisfaction. As does putting up the tree and decorating the house, which unfortunately we will not be doing this year as we are officially in mourning.
And that's something I'm really going to miss. I love climbing up to the loft and digging through boxes and unearthing the ornaments-some of which are really old and all of which have little stories about them.
And everybody collects things for Christmas which is something I've just stumbled upon. I collect little ornaments and I almost want to weep when one of them breaks. A friend of mine collects snow globes. She has around 34 of them and normally places them all around the house and I love walking all around her house shaking them up until I'm asked to leave! There's something romantic about them. Another one collects those little Santa Claus caps and another one is dotty about Christmas cards.
Seems like almost everyone I know collects something or the other Christmassy.
What about you?
And don't you just love my new blog background? I do. I feel very upbeat everytime I look at it.
22:23
I love Christmas songs.
Love them. Love them very much.
I start feeling Christmasy as soon as I hear one- even if I hear it in July. And I love them all. Religious, traditional, modern, instrumental, pop, comedy.
The Twelve Days of Christmas
Let It Snow
The Little Drummer Boy
Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart
The First Noel
Nutcracker
Silent Night
O Come All Ye Faithful
Jolly Old Santa Claus
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Joy to the World
Santa Claus is coming to town
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Jingle Bells
Deck the Halls
Frosty the Snowman
Grandma got run over by a Reindeer
Hark the Herald Angels Sing
You name them and I love it.
I also love to sing them. Not that I can sing very well but I try.
P.S: The colours of this blog are a tribute to my favourite month of the year.
23:39
I'm a believer. I believe that the government does the best job it can. That the police is one of the best in the world.
But now I've had a rude awakening from that idealistic world I live. Why? Well....
I was at a barbecue party yesterday. A party where the focus was on conversation over some amazing chicken, low music, good company, alcohol and a hookah. And we were having a good time until the police butted in.
And then things began to fall apart. They were two of them and we invited them in to look around. A guy there had a permit and it was fine. But however, most of us there were underage, yours truly included, so we had to pay them off and 300 rupees it was. All in all, we didn't feel it was that bad a sum so we let it go.
The music was shut off, the alcohol ditched. We just lounged around then, talking and smoking the hookah.
And it happened again.
At 5:30 a.m, and this time we were hopping mad. They walked in us, stealthily opening the gate and marching into what was clearly private property which they had absolutely no business being in without permission.
We refused to pay them cause
(a)There was no alcohol around anymore.
(b)The damn music was shut off.
(c)It was bloody 6 in the morning.
When we pointed all of this out, they said they came cause they got a complaint and they had been searching for our place the entire night. And he expected us to believe that the person who complained didn't give them the address. How stupid do we look?
And the icing on the cake, since he couldn't really pick us up for anything, he came up with a whopper of a lie, you need to have a license to have a tandoor and we now needed to pay a fine of Rs 5000. Wtf?
They also wanted us to go to the police station whereupon I pointblank refused to cause there was no lady police officer or constable around and I know my rights.
All in all, we managed to get them to leave for 700 rupees. And that left us a 1000 bucks poorer. Not a small sum for poor, struggling college students.
Now, whenever my friends indulge in some police-bashing I never join in. I've always felt that the police stand by you if your in the right and even if they've done or said something, they must have had a justification. I defend them talking about the low salary they get which in a city like Mumbai is definitely not enough for even one person. Forget an entire family. How long their working hours are. How there's just one cop for every 700 people in Bombay.
But there wasn't any explanation for yesterday
Why should we get pushed around? Why is it always assumed that just cause we're young that automatically qualifies us as reckless, rash and immature. Don't 40 year olds get drunk too? Don't they indulge in loud music and excessive alcohol? So why pick on the young then?
Maturity is such a subjective issue. I know some 15 year olds who are way more mature than I am at 20 and some 25 year olds who act like what I would expect a 15 year old to act like. Everybody does stupid things and to brand an age group as immature and incapable of thinking and acting is just unfair. If there's one thing that really pisses me off, its generalizing and stereotyping.
If your young and there's a fracas, it's obvious your in the wrong. If there's an accident, it's always the young guy on the bike fault. I watched a young boy who couldn't have been more than 22-23 get slapped around by the police cause he grazed by a woman who crossed the road when the signal was green but obviously it wasn't her fault, roads are meant to be crossed when the signal is green. You see?
And what is the media and the public in general doing about it? Don't they realise how wrong this is? Why aren't they standing up for us? Why are they letting us be pushed around and treated as people who have their heads up their asses and whose only thoughts are about the opposite sex, booze, music and speed. There is more to us than that.
I'm waiting the awakening but I don't see it happening anytime soon. Maybe by the time, I'm a quiet, sedate 45 year old who drove over somebody in my car but it wasn't my fault. I'm 45 and by dint of age alone, I'm right!
And it's not just this I have an issue with,
Why is it that when I go out at night, I'm not afraid of getting mugged but rather chancing upon the police and having to shell out money as a fine or rather a bribe. Why am I afraid of the very people who are supposed to be my protectors? Why am I as a law-abiding citizen afraid to go to the police when something is wrong?
Why?
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