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The Roaring Twenties

So here I am on the eve of my 30th birthday, my very last day of being 29, just about 4 hours left of being a twenty-something.

A couple of years ago, I remember snidely chuckling away to myself, when a favourite blogger of mine turned 30, believing that it was so far away, it could never touch me. I'm regretting that now.

And to be honest, I thought I would be okay, I really honestly truly believed that I would be greeting this new decade with a casual insouciance and indifference that would normally be characteristic for me, but I'm not. I'm terrified of how quickly my twenties have zoomed by and how little I've accomplished and perhaps that is what is upsetting me.

On the cusp of another decade on this planet, well, I feel like a bit of a failure. No, scratch that, I feel majorly like a failure. I'm drowning in self-pity and anguish at wasted opportunities, at thrown-away chances, at my inherent laziness and procrastination, at my never-ending ability to put off what needs to be done, to only live in the now.

I thought at 30, I would have it all, or oh well, to put it more reasonably, I thought by 30, I would have met the love of my life and have been settled down and well on my way to having babies and a dog or two, all while I had this fantastic career that fulfilled me, while also gave me plenty of time to myself - to read, to travel, to drive.

Instead, here I am at 30, middling along, I think of the skills I've added in the last 10 years, and I'm struggling. I've learned to cook, which, admittedly is a pretty big deal, but that's about it. I'm still not driving, I can't paint or sow, I can write, but I don't. I hoped I would be living by myself by now, but sadly that hasn't happened yet, and I think I need to break away from the womb of the family and make my own way in to the world.

So what do I want from this new decade, I don't know. Honestly, in fact, when I was younger, I always had this feeling that I would die young, by 30-36, so who knows that may still happen.

Anyway here's a list of things to accomplish in the next year:
  • Learn to Drive
  • Get my marksheet from Mumbai University
  • LOSE WEIGHTS. (This is in caps and bold, because I can't emphasize it enough)
  • Put my mind and my (considerable) weight behind applying for that job in that industry I really want
Also, I just found this post, written when I turned 21. When I reached 21, I wanted to be 17 again. Clearly, this never ends. 


Comments

Sharon said…
I read this in 2012 Abbotsford I had no idea what had happened it was just a plain party my first party everal of you are STRANGERS plain and SIMPLE

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