Skip to main content

The Roaring Twenties

So here I am on the eve of my 30th birthday, my very last day of being 29, just about 4 hours left of being a twenty-something.

A couple of years ago, I remember snidely chuckling away to myself, when a favourite blogger of mine turned 30, believing that it was so far away, it could never touch me. I'm regretting that now.

And to be honest, I thought I would be okay, I really honestly truly believed that I would be greeting this new decade with a casual insouciance and indifference that would normally be characteristic for me, but I'm not. I'm terrified of how quickly my twenties have zoomed by and how little I've accomplished and perhaps that is what is upsetting me.

On the cusp of another decade on this planet, well, I feel like a bit of a failure. No, scratch that, I feel majorly like a failure. I'm drowning in self-pity and anguish at wasted opportunities, at thrown-away chances, at my inherent laziness and procrastination, at my never-ending ability to put off what needs to be done, to only live in the now.

I thought at 30, I would have it all, or oh well, to put it more reasonably, I thought by 30, I would have met the love of my life and have been settled down and well on my way to having babies and a dog or two, all while I had this fantastic career that fulfilled me, while also gave me plenty of time to myself - to read, to travel, to drive.

Instead, here I am at 30, middling along, I think of the skills I've added in the last 10 years, and I'm struggling. I've learned to cook, which, admittedly is a pretty big deal, but that's about it. I'm still not driving, I can't paint or sow, I can write, but I don't. I hoped I would be living by myself by now, but sadly that hasn't happened yet, and I think I need to break away from the womb of the family and make my own way in to the world.

So what do I want from this new decade, I don't know. Honestly, in fact, when I was younger, I always had this feeling that I would die young, by 30-36, so who knows that may still happen.

Anyway here's a list of things to accomplish in the next year:
  • Learn to Drive
  • Get my marksheet from Mumbai University
  • LOSE WEIGHTS. (This is in caps and bold, because I can't emphasize it enough)
  • Put my mind and my (considerable) weight behind applying for that job in that industry I really want
Also, I just found this post, written when I turned 21. When I reached 21, I wanted to be 17 again. Clearly, this never ends. 


Sharon said…
I read this in 2012 Abbotsford I had no idea what had happened it was just a plain party my first party everal of you are STRANGERS plain and SIMPLE

Popular posts from this blog

Remembering Avanti

Day before yesterday, on the 8th of November 2008, Avanti Desai would have turned 21. Instead 15 days before her birthday, as she hurried home to celebrate her grandmother's birthday, Avanti met with a train accident at Jogeshwari station.

Just like that. Gone from our lives forever. Leaving behind a huge void and the world a lot more gloomier.

And when I got the call first thing in the morning, I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a cruel sadistic joke, but as the calls kept coming in, I realised it was true. Even at the cemetary,, it still hadn't sunk in that Avanti was no longer here. The worst moment though was watching her disappear into the crematorium, it was horrible and I couldn't believe we were leaving her there, and through the next couple of hours all I could think of was of her going up in smoke while we stood there in the bright sunshine.

It seemed incomprehensible at first, to think of Avanti as dead, to talk about her in the past tense, to get used…

Lady of the Cake

I've been wanting to blog about my recent interest in baking for a while, well if you can call three years recent, that is. But I've always wanted to talk about the joy that baking brings me and how much I enjoy it. The calories, not so much.

By nature, I am a rather random person. I don't function very well when neatness and precision is necessary. I like to think of myself as a big-picture person. Not for me the analysing of every detail and the nitpicking and the perfectionism. But it is precisely this side of me that baking, the exacting science that it is, challenges and I actually revel in it. There's something about creaming exactly 100 gms of butter with 50 grams of sugar and mixing in 300 gms of flour. Measuring, measuring, measuring, beating, whipping to create a cake that is so much more than the sum of its disparate parts. The exacting nature of baking allows me to put my vagaries aside and focus with a 100% on the job at hand that pleases me. For someone …