Gentle Whispers

While I've already done the Happiness is tag once before, I've had food on my mind an awful lot lately. I'm comfort-eating myself all the way to obesity, but I just can't bring myself to care somehow. Anyhoo, Happiness is.. A steaming cup of tea and Parle G biscuits Brun maska and chai Cheese maggi (Double points if it's eaten in a ramshackle hut in the middle of nowhere in Ladakh) Fresh off the tawa alu ka parathas dripping with butter Mutton and cheese burger from Bembos Fiery Mangalorean sorpotel and sannas Tibetan momos from Dharamsala Mashed potatoes with salt, pepper and butter Candies classic roasted chicken Biryani made with fragrant rice and melt-in-the-mouth mutton Cheesy bhajji with warm buttery pav Paya soup from Bara Handi nalli marke Blueberry cheesecake A jar of Nutella and a big spoon Hot McDonalds' french fries sprinkled liberally with salt Rajma-chawal and fried fish Reese peanut butter cups Mangalorean chicken curry and panpoles/Neer dosas Ch...

frustration. And that has been a well-documented fact. All I've ever expected from the people I know is honesty and loyalty. The guts to say something straight out. If I ask something of them and they're unable to do it, then to let me know. I'd rather be told the bitter truth to my face, then have to deal with lies and feeble excuses. And when it does happen, I often don't know how to react, I wonder why it happens and whether what I'm asking for is just too much. But now , being the me that I've become, I just do the simpler thing, I simply refuse to respond, I cut off all relations, until I feel ready to respond again. I put people and their issues on the back burner and I don't have anything to do with them until I feel that I care enough. Which is not to say that I'm rude or insensitive. I'm civil enough. I just think it's wrong for anybody to expect things of me, when they aren't ready to meet mine. Perhaps, as I've recently realis...

It's hard to pick up blogging again when you haven't really been in the blogging zone in a very long time. I haven't been quite myself lately. I don't know who I am anymore or what I'm about. When events unfold, I'm unsure of what my reaction is, of what I should be doing. I torture myself wondering whether what I'm doing is the wrong thing or right. I've changed in other ways too. I've become far more cynical and bitter. The hope and joie de vivere that once characterised me is slowly dying. I'm finding it harder and harder to talk to peopland make new friends. I'm not as easy-going and laid back as I once used to be. I'm much more harder and unforgiving than I used to be. I don't let go of issues easily. I hold grudges and that's something I NEVER used to do. I'm quite prepared to walk away from friends who've hurt me once and I'm equally prepared never to speak to them again and not make the first move. Tellingly,...

I talked about Moving on . Mentioning how much the lack of privacy was getting to me. And then I disappeared for almost two months without any indication of what I was planning on doing. Until a very dear friend kicked me in the ass and forced me to think over very carefully what I was planning on doing. The simple truth, however, is that, I love this blog and the idea of shutting it down and moving elsewhere leaves me very near heartbroken. My simple solution however, is that I've created a new blog. A secret one with no clues as to my identity. Where I can safely pour out my soul. But this blog stays and for that I'm glad.

For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. T.S. Eliot 2009. The worst of times. 2009 was my year of despair. It had me lower than I have ever been before. 2009 truly gave me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It helped me rediscover friendships I thought were a thing of the past. It made me realise how you might think you know someone, only to find out that you don't know them at all. It made me realise what people mean when they say they hate their jobs. Doing something you can't stand, for someone you detest, for very little money is absolutely character building. Believe me. Seriously however, I never realised I had the fortitude and the strength within me to stick to something when the easier option would be to just walk away. A major part of the year saw me more depressed than I have ever been before. Nothing interested me. Noth...

I've been toying with the idea of closing down this blog off late and the more I think about it, the more I like it. I love my blog. My very first one, all mine, bright, shiny. It got me raw and unknowing and it slowly grew on me as did the whole blogging shebang, but the lack of anonymity has begun getting to me. A lot of people I know seem to be reading and half the things I want to blog about, I can't. I often find myself staring at the blank screen, mulling over how I should disguise the people and incidents I am talking about, all of it leading to me feeling very stifled, at which point I just shrug my shoulders and give up. Which might perhaps explain the paucity in posts. Also, almost all the google searches for my name seem to lead here and I don't think it's a very good idea to have my thoughts and feelings laid out here for people who are actually googling me in the first place ! A new blog, a new identity, a new name have been slowly pulling me towards them.

It's been an interesting sort of week. My mum and dad were both out of town on separate conferences and since my brother is home on leave, it's just been him and me. Surprisingly there hasn't been any bloodshed. An achievement by our standards. My dad And as my mother told me about a million times before I left, I am the Woman of the house while she isn't here. Whatever that means. Today however, I'm planning on going for Celebrate Bandra and it should be fun with theatre and dance and art and literature. And if it isn't, well then I'll just make it fun. :D Also, I have my eye on a new template for the upcoming festive season, but it is a little bit too early, so you can expect a new look to my blog sometime soon. I'm keeping my mind open however and if I come across a better one, I'd be all over it. P.S: Anyone who points out the utter pointlessness of this post is here forth banned from the blog. You have been warned.