Gentle Whispers

For times gone by, my dear For times gone by, We will take a cup of kindness yet For times gone by.

2011-01-16T01:47:00.002+05:30

It wouldn't be a New Year, if my post looking back didn't come too late about two weeks too late.

2010.

What do I say about it? It was a strange sort of year. One that just whizzed by and I rather floated through it.

It had it's good moments and bad though.

I travelled. Especially one extremely memorable trip to Sattal in Himachal Pradesh.

I now have a great SLR camera and three lenses to go with it. I have a Blackberry and a PS3 and lots of new books.

A lot of friendships fell into place this year and I realised whom the people I can really call friends are.

2010 was a fun year and I hope 2011 betters it.

How was your year?

A night out

2010-11-13T23:43:00.000+05:30

This is just to say that my thirty day project begins from tomorrow.

Right now I'm sitting at Marine Drive with all the best things life has to offer namely good friends, good music and good conversation.

Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play, Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day, The sun is up, the sky is blue, It's beautiful and so are you

2010-11-13T01:00:00.000+05:30

It's been a while since I've blogged and while I have wanted to, I've been simply too lazy to actually do something about it. Of course, I've probably lost the two readers I had, but Cest la vie.

It's been a strange eight months since I last blogged. A lot has happened and while I'd love to rant and whine to you, most of it has been good.

I'm still working. I even got a raise, though it was so minuscule that even calling it a raise is a joke.

My brother bought me a digital SLR, this one I want to marry it and have babies. Accordingly I've named him Flint and he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I went on two holidays. One to Dubai and the other to Sattal in Uttarakhand. Two holidays as different as anything I could ever have hoped for.

I gave my MA exams in English Literature and actually passed Part 1. Now I only have Part 2 to worry about.

I now have, not just one, but two new blogs, one is a photography blog, Swirls of Sapphire and the other is a football blog, Red All Over.

Both are blogs I've been contemplating for a while now and I finally managed to actually do something about it. The photography one is one I'm rather nervous about, because my talents in that direction are rather suspect. But oh well, go over, peruse them and please be kind.

Also, in my quest to blog more, I'm taking up The 30-Day Project, which I came across on my travels through the worldwide web. I just hope I manage to live up to the promise and actually blog for an entire month.

Also, while I might not have been commenting. I have definitely been reading. So please forgive me for completely disappearing. I promise not to do it again.

The one with all the food

2010-03-17T00:41:00.005+05:30

While I've already done the Happiness is tag once before, I've had food on my mind an awful lot lately.

I'm comfort-eating myself all the way to obesity, but I just can't bring myself to care somehow.

Anyhoo, Happiness is..

A steaming cup of tea and Parle G biscuits

Brun maska and chai

Cheese maggi (Double points if it's eaten in a ramshackle hut in the middle of nowhere in Ladakh)

Fresh off the tawa alu ka parathas dripping with butter

Mutton and cheese burger from Bembos

Fiery Mangalorean sorpotel and sannas

Tibetan momos from Dharamsala

Mashed potatoes with salt, pepper and butter

Candies classic roasted chicken

Biryani made with fragrant rice and melt-in-the-mouth mutton

Cheesy bhajji with warm buttery pav

Paya soup from Bara Handi nalli marke

Blueberry cheesecake

A jar of Nutella and a big spoon

Hot McDonalds' french fries sprinkled liberally with salt

Rajma-chawal and fried fish

Reese peanut butter cups

Mangalorean chicken curry and panpoles/Neer dosas

Chicken burnt garlic fried rice

Grilled ham and cheese sandwiches

Goan sausages with crusty pav

Spaghetti carbonara

Khichdi swimming in ghee

Sushi

Gold medal ribbon ice cream

Spicy kheema pav with an egg fried sunny-side up on top

Millionaire brownies from Theobromas

A Double Trouble doughnut from Mad over Donuts

A juicy steak with pepper-garlic sauce

KFC chicken

Green mangoes with salt and chilly powder

Railways tomato soup with croutons

Ganne ka juice on a hot summer's day or as my brother prefers to refer to it- A glassful of jaundice

Aamras puri from Golden Star Thali

Vada pav

Dominoes cheese burst pizza

Dahi batata puri

Toffee walnut icecream biscuits from Rustomjees

Kacchi kairi golas

Slow cooked Lamb Rann masala and kali daal

Now that you know what my favourites are, tell me what's yours.

Expectation leads to

2010-03-13T14:19:00.004+05:30

frustration. And that has been a well-documented fact.

All I've ever expected from the people I know is honesty and loyalty. The guts to say something straight out. If I ask something of them and they're unable to do it, then to let me know. I'd rather be told the bitter truth to my face, then have to deal with lies and feeble excuses.

And when it does happen, I often don't know how to react, I wonder why it happens and whether what I'm asking for is just too much.

But now , being the me that I've become, I just do the simpler thing, I simply refuse to respond, I cut off all relations, until I feel ready to respond again. I put people and their issues on the back burner and I don't have anything to do with them until I feel that I care enough.

Which is not to say that I'm rude or insensitive. I'm civil enough. I just think it's wrong for anybody to expect things of me, when they aren't ready to meet mine.

Perhaps, as I've recently realised, the fault is mine. After all, much as I hate resorting to cliches, the only person you can rely on is yourself.

Blogging break

2010-03-10T02:44:00.006+05:30

It's hard to pick up blogging again when you haven't really been in the blogging zone in a very long time.

I haven't been quite myself lately. I don't know who I am anymore or what I'm

about. When events unfold, I'm unsure of what my reaction is, of what I should be doing. I torture myself wondering whether what I'm doing is the wrong thing or right.

I've changed in other ways too. I've become far more cynical and bitter. The hope and joie de vivere that once characterised me is slowly dying. I'm finding it harder and harder to talk to peopland make new friends. I'm not as easy-going and laid back as I once used to be. I'm much more harder and unforgiving than I used to be. I don't let go of issues easily. I hold grudges and that's something I NEVER used to do. I'm quite prepared to walk away from friends who've hurt me once and I'm equally prepared never to speak to them again and not make the first move.

Tellingly, I haven't been able to read much. I've read light fluff, but anything else that's even a bit more heavy, that reaches out and grabs my heart and soul has either been abandoned halfway through or placed back on my bookshelf with the promise to read it once I'm in the mood.

But in other ways, I'm more sentimental than I used to. I cried for ages and walked around with a heavy heart when a friend left for distant shores. I hold on more to the people who matter to me and I feel the need to constantly tell them so. I have to have constant reassurance of the same.

I've pondered over how hollow some friendships can be, when someone you've known since she was since fifteen turns out to be someone you don't know at all. Someone who when she sees old friends, crosses the road to avoid them rather than speak to us. Someone who talks to everybody but hides from the people who knew her best and knew her longest. Someone who's significant other turned out to be much above everybody else for her including her family and friends.

And what worries me most, is perhaps the knowledge that the parting of ways has come. When we all split up to find our own ways and make our own futures. That life as we know it is at an end.

Most of all, in these last few months, as I hunt for my identity, I look for where to go next. Journalism as a career is seeming less rosy to me by the minute. Nothing has captured me yet and ignited any sort of passion in me. Hopefully, the solution is peering at me from around the corner.

Lastly, to RM, as you find yourself amidst all the sheep and grass, know that we'll always be behind you. Across continents and seas, studies and exams, jobs and careers, boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives. The bond the six of us have sustained over the last eight years will bind us together.

More importantly, remember, life is not a bed of roses. Life is a race and everything else will fall in place. :)

Not so much moving on

2010-01-08T22:33:00.004+05:30

I talked about Moving on. Mentioning how much the lack of privacy was getting to me. And then I disappeared for almost two months without any indication of what I was planning on doing.

Until a very dear friend kicked me in the ass and forced me to think over very carefully what I was planning on doing.

The simple truth, however, is that, I love this blog and the idea of shutting it down and moving elsewhere leaves me very near heartbroken.

My simple solution however, is that I've created a new blog. A secret one with no clues as to my identity. Where I can safely pour out my soul.

But this blog stays and for that I'm glad.

The coming of 2010

2010-01-08T02:51:00.005+05:30

For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.

T.S. Eliot

2009.

The worst of times.

2009 was my year of despair. It had me lower than I have ever been before. 2009 truly gave me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

It helped me rediscover friendships I thought were a thing of the past.

It made me realise how you might think you know someone, only to find out that you don't know them at all.

It made me realise what people mean when they say they hate their jobs. Doing something you can't stand, for someone you detest, for very little money is absolutely character building. Believe me. Seriously however, I never realised I had the fortitude and the strength within me to stick to something when the easier option would be to just walk away.

A major part of the year saw me more depressed than I have ever been before. Nothing interested me. Nothing excited me. I was blah, in the truest sense of the term. But warmth and love pulled me through.

As far as 2010 goes, I'm confused. There are certain things I want more desperately than ever and I still don't know if they'll happen this year. I want to travel this year. I want the freedom to explore my options and find something to do that I really really love, with passion and devotion. Something that I could devote the rest of my life to and that gives me pots of money of course.

I want this to be my year. More good than bad. Where I do everything that comes my way. Where I can grab any opportunity that comes knocking at my door.

I'm going to MAKE it happen.

Happy New Year, all my very lovely readers. It's you who make me come back here all the time.

I realise this post is about eight days too late, but my habits of procrastination are something I've promised myself I will work on this year.

Moving on

2009-11-20T23:00:00.004+05:30

I've been toying with the idea of closing down this blog off late and the more I think about it, the more I like it.

I love my blog. My very first one, all mine, bright, shiny. It got me raw and unknowing and it slowly grew on me as did the whole blogging shebang, but the lack of anonymity has begun getting to me.

A lot of people I know seem to be reading and half the things I want to blog about, I can't. I often find myself staring at the blank screen, mulling over how I should disguise the people and incidents I am talking about, all of it leading to me feeling very stifled, at which point I just shrug my shoulders and give up. Which might perhaps explain the paucity in posts.

Also, almost all the google searches for my name seem to lead here and I don't think it's a very good idea to have my thoughts and feelings laid out here for people who are actually googling me in the first place!

A new blog, a new identity, a new name have been slowly pulling me towards them.

Woman of the house

2009-11-18T15:27:00.005+05:30

It's been an interesting sort of week. My mum and dad were both out of town on separate conferences and since my brother is home on leave, it's just been him and me. Surprisingly there hasn't been any bloodshed. An achievement by our standards. My dad

And as my mother told me about a million times before I left, I am the Woman of the house while she isn't here. Whatever that means.

Today however, I'm planning on going for Celebrate Bandra and it should be fun with theatre and dance and art and literature. And if it isn't, well then I'll just make it fun. :D

Also, I have my eye on a new template for the upcoming festive season, but it is a little bit too early, so you can expect a new look to my blog sometime soon. I'm keeping my mind open however and if I come across a better one, I'd be all over it.

P.S: Anyone who points out the utter pointlessness of this post is here forth banned from the blog. You have been warned.

The one with the acceptance speech

2009-11-14T10:22:00.002+05:30

I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like to lately.

There have been ideas, mental jottings, but by the time I sit down in front of the computer, I go entirely blank and I'm struggling for words.

Not for this however, Titaxy very generously conferred on me the Humane award almost two weeks ago. I know several people who'd doubt the relevance of this award being given to me, starting with my brother, but I am going to ignore him and to attempt to accept this one gracefully and graciously. Even though I'm not entirely sure that it's not a hint that I'm not humane enough.

Also, the wonderful girl just got married and after reading about it, I have now decided that I want a wedding exactly like hers. With warmth, affection, love and laughter. Congratulations again!

Anyhoo, back to the original purpose of this post, my Humane award,

Now please excuse me while I swig champagne by the bucket load and shout it to the world, all the while, figuring whom I should pass this on to.

P.S: Please ignore the dreadful acceptance of the award. The more awards I get, the better I shall get at these.

Cheers

2009-11-08T11:18:00.000+05:30

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
-Frank Sinatra

Amen.

From the A to the Z

2009-10-20T17:51:00.004+05:30

Continuing in my trend of stealing tags, I've whacked this one off Moo, because it just looked like so much fun.

So anyway, this is tag is called the ABC tag and because you definitely don't know enough about me already. Here goes:

1) A – Available/Single?
Single, the available depends on who wants to know

2) B – Best friend?
I don't think I have one best friend. I have several friends who are very close to me.

3) C – Cake or Pie?
Tough choice, but I think I'd have to go for the cake especially if it's blueberry cheesecake.

4) D – Drink of choice?
Gin and tonic/lemonade. Bacardi and coke, Wine. Contrary to what might come across, I am NOT an alcoholic.

5) E – Essential item you use every day?
Bag, cellphone and computer

6) F – Favorite colour?
Blue in all its shades, White, black and I have a certain fondness for purple.

7) G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?
Worms. They're delish

8) H – Hometown?
Technically Goa and Mangalore. In my heart, Mumbai

9) I – Indulgence?
Chocolate.

10) J – January or February?
January. What a stupid question

11) K – Kids & their names?
Two- Sowbhagyawati and Wajidali. Stupid much?

12) L – Life is incomplete without?
Friends, family, books, chocolate, basketball

13) M – Marriage date?
I'm commitmentphobic.

14) N – Name? Your real name!!
What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

15) O – Oranges or Apples?
Oranges. Isn't your life just so much the richer for knowing?

16) P – Phobias/Fears?
I can't really think of anything. In the words of JK Rowling, does that mean what I fear most is fear itself?

17) Q – Quote for today?
Shut up.

18) R – Reason to smile?
Everything

19) S – Season?
Summer

20) T – Tag 3 People?
I'm not in the mood to tag. Anybody who wants to take it up. Please do.

21) U – Unknown fact about me?
There's a reason it's unknown

22) V – Vegetable you don’t like?
Karela

23) W – Worst habit?
Procrastination

24) X – X-rays?
Once. Accident with the BEST bus when I was ten. Broken head. Fodder for a post someday.

25) Y – Your favorite food?
Just one? Fine then, Goa sausages.

26) Z – Zodiac sign?
The hottest sign of the Zodiac - Aries. :D (I'm agreeing with Moo on this one)

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a

2009-10-16T23:43:00.005+05:30

They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

So true. Well except for the part where they call us men, but we shall just let that slide, shall we?

As you read this, I'm in the outstation YMCA camp. Merrily living it up at a National Youth Camp for youth from the ages of 18 to 30 across India. I've quietly snuck off from work.

This will be my second YMCA camp in three years. The first one was in Yellagiri, a little hill station near Chennai and this one is near Pune.

I've been looking forward to this camp ever since I heard about it approximately four months ago. So please pray that I'm having a great time as I hope I am, with swimming, rock climbing, rappelling, rifle shooting, treasure hunts and campfires.

See you all on the other side.

Rooftop memories

2009-10-10T15:33:00.002+05:30

One of my favourite places in Bombay to chill with my friends, is my friend PU's terrace in Andheri.

Located in one of the quiet by lanes of Lokhandwala, it's the perfect place to just be. I love going up there on starry summer nights with a cool breeze and three people without whom life would be incomplete.

Lying back, talking, gossiping, sharing secrets, drinking, stuffing ourselves with french fries from McDonald's, it's a place that only holds the best of memories for me.

It's magical being there and watching planes fly by. Trying to figure out where they're going, the routes they're taking, making up elaborate stories about the people within. All the while content and listening to soft giggles and whispers. Chuckles and swear words. Drawing comfort from the silence, knowing that we don't need words to communicate.

Sharing every little thought I've had. The best and the worst without fear of judgment. Bad jokes, good conversation and terrible leg-pulling.

Four years of wonderful friendship.

P.S: This is my 200th post and I can't think of a better way to commemorate it than with this post.

Come on Reds

2009-10-04T23:47:00.006+05:30

So anyone who knows me, knows what a huge sports fan I am.

I watch them all, soccer, basketball, cricket, tennis, Formula One. Everything.

So as I've said before, I've been watching a lot of soccer. I check Goal.com every two hours to see what the latest happenings in the footballing world are. And a million other footballing websites. I try to keep my weekends clear so that I can watch as much of the Premier League as I can. I'm signing petitions that ask for more of the La Liga to be broadcast on Indian television.

Anyway, I'm guessing you've got the picture?

So from the last few years, I've been a Manchester United fan. I watched all the Red Devils, and I was happy. But the more football I watched, the more I felt myself get drawn towards another team.

Liverpool FC to be precise. They're my team in a sense that Man U never was. Their underdog reputation, their lack of supporters, in India I mean, the fact that people never take them or their title challenges seriously. That they call Liverpool lucky. That's why they're my team.

Also, the fact that I'm moping after their loss to Chelsea this evening. I'm so upset I don't even want to talk to anyone, which is why I'm avoiding Facebook and Twitter.

But it's also why I know, I'll never walk alone.

Making friends

2009-10-02T23:05:00.002+05:30

I've always thought of myself as a gregarious, outgoing, friendly person. I've never had a problem talking to people. Making conversation or just breaking the ice and I've always had a lot of friends.

But lately I seem to find myself in a slump. I just can't go up there and talk to people and in the last year, I can count the number of new friends I've made on one hand and as you can guess, I'm none too happy with myself.

I've had friends through my college and school years and now moving out of my comfort zone is becoming too hard for me. I have these friends whom I know super well and whom I know I can blindly fall back on without worrying about a thing. They're my support system. They have my back and I know I have nothing to worry about.

With new friends I'll have to begin all over again. From point A. And it just seems like too much effort. Plus, people at work seem to have their own agendas and I always get the impression that with my way of headlong rushing into things and generally making an ass myself, also my self-deprecating humour, I think they're more laughing at me than with me and it just puts me off. And beyond the usual politeness and surface concern, there isn't anything there. Which is fine by me, Im not too concerned about them either.

But it's just weird. Even in a non-work environment, at a party for instance, I just cannot bring myself to make small talk and break the ice. I sit quietly and wait for the other person to make conversation or I just stick to the people I know.

Which is not very me and is making me unhappier because I don't like feeling anti-social. Any ideas what I should do to get out of this slump I'm stuck in?

Things to do before I die

2009-09-30T19:56:00.008+05:30

So someone tagged me to in of these notes thingies on Facebook, in what was basically a list of The Things To Do Before I Die and though it said to only list 30 things, in my usual overboard, over-enthusiastic style, I've listed forty and I figured I might as well share them with you guys here.

So here it is, The Things I want to do before I die:-

1) Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away and make sure I set foot on each of the seven continents

2) Visit all the seven wonders of the World.. Modern, Ancient, Natural

3) Watch Roger Federer play in a Wimbledon final

4) Be published in the New Yorker or the Economist

5) Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich

6) Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill

7) Fly a plane

8) Learn to scuba dive, skydive and bungee jump and go up in a hot air ballooon

9) Go on a wild-life safari across the African grasslands.

10) Watch a football game between Argentina and Brazil, an El Classico between Real Madrid and Barcelona at the Camp Nou and a Liverpool game at Anfield from the Kop preferably against Manchester United or Chelsea.

11) Volunteer abroad

12) Send a message in a bottle.

13) Follow in the footsteps of my favourite travel book

14) Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia.

15) Fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally.

16) Have my potrait painted

17) Learn to juggle with three balls

18) Write the novel that I know I have inside me somewhere.

19) Shower in a waterfall.

20) Experience weightlessness.

21) Drive across India from coast to coast or even travel by train

22) Go wild in Rio de Janeiro during Carnival.

23) Visit the Holy Land.

24) Catch a ball in the stands of a cricket stadium.

25) Meet Fernando Torres and David Villa

26) Photograph an endangered species

27) Watch the Olympics

28) Cross a country on a bicycle.

29) Learn a foreign language.

30) Dance the Tango in Argentina.

31) Dive with whale sharks and swim with dolphins.

32) Cross a glacier on foot and climb an active volcano

33) Spend 24 hours alone in the jungle.

34) Stand at the North or South Pole.

35) Enjoy a freshly rolled cigar in Cuba.

36) Watch an orchestral performance in Vienna.

37) Shake hands with someone who has truly changed a country.

38) Go skinny-dipping at midnight in the South of France.

39) Tell someone the story of my life, sparing no details.

40) See the Northern Lights.

Also, there's this interesting site I found which lists the 100 things to do before you die and you can mark off how many you've done. I had about 9 or 10. Go see how many you have.

I plan to keep reevaluating every year at least. To see how many I have accomplished and how many I haven't. The plan is to do at least half the things on this list before I turn 30.

Innocent until proven guilty

2009-09-29T13:46:00.001+05:30

So, as per my usual tag stealing ways, I've stolen this one from Just call me A, because it seemed like so much fun. And I rather wanted to see how much of a devil I really am.

Also, I don't tag any of you, whoever wants to take up this tag feel absolutely free to do so.

* Asked someone to marry you? Innocent

* Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty. Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies

* Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent. I've always wanted to though.

* Ever told a lie? Guilty. Many times over.

* Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty. I'm a glutton for punishment

* Kissed a picture? Guilty.Rahul Dravid, Fernando Torres, David Villa, Roger Federer and Im not mentioning anymore names.

* Slept in until 5 PM? Innocent. The latest I've ever woken up has been 3 pm.

* Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty.

* Held a snake? Innocent.Just because I haven't had the opportunity. Snakes are such beautiful creatures.

* Been suspended from school? Innocent. Does not being allowed to enter class and have to sit in the grounds for the entire day for entering late count?

* Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent. Though like A, I did want to work at McDonalds once upon a time for their French fries.

* Stolen from a store? Guilty.

* Been fired from a job? Guilty.

* Done something you regret? Guilty. A couple. There are very few things in life I actually regret.

* Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty. Gross as well.

* Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Guilty. In Ladakh and its a memory I'll always cherish.

* Kissed in the rain? Innocent.

* Sat on a roof top? Guilty. A post for another day perhaps.

* Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Innocent. I have marvellous self-control

* Sang in the shower? Guilty.

* Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent

* Shaved your head? Guilty. Do NOT ask.

* Had a boxing membership? Innocent. What is the point of this question?

* Made a girlfriend cry? Guilty. Girlfriend or girl friend?

* Been in a band? Innocent. I can't hold a tune to save my life.

* Shot a gun? Guilty. An air rifle at any rate.

* Donated Blood? Guilty. I try to make it every three months

* Eaten alligator meat? Innocent. But I want to try it.

* Eaten cheesecake? Guilty. Mmmmmm... Blueberry cheesecake

* Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty.

* Have/had a tattoo? Innocent. I have an almost perfect idea for my tattoo, but I just want that perfect moment when I get it inked.

* Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty

* Been too honest? Guilty. And I've had way too many problems because of it.

* Ruined a surprise? Innocent. Does accidentally revealing the end of a movie count?

* Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Guilty.

* Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty. It had to be done

* Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Guilty. I was a tomboy when I was young and girl's clothes were poison to me then.

* Joined a pageant? Innocent

* Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty.

* Had communication with your ex? Guilty. We're the best of friends now actually.

* Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent.

* Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty. Too much of any emotion makes me cry.

At the end of this tag, I'm realising that I'm not as much of a bad girl as I've always thought I was. *Sigh*

Counting my blessings

2009-09-27T19:07:00.006+05:30

I wasn't in the best of moods, these last few weeks and even getting out of bed was proving to be too much of a task. Until the rapid turnaround happened, and while I'm still going off into my black moods, I'm trying to keep from letting them engulf me and swallow me whole.

But then I that despite the several setbacks I've had, I've realised the Universe is not out to get me.

And so I can remind myself of them every time I get low and depressed, I'm making a list. Besides, I love making long list of things to do. Tis's so much fun.

1) I have a job. Much as I don't enjoy it. At least I have one with a fairly decent pay at a time when people are losing their jobs and working for pittances.

2) I have wonderful friends, who care about me. Who worry when I'm not happy and go out of their way to make sure I'm okay and I'm smiling. They're my rainbows on dark, gloomy days.

3) This blog. As long as I have this blog, I think I'll be okay. Because I have a place where I can vent and be myself without fear of judgment.

4) I have plans. Lots and lots of plans to travel and do this and do that and it just makes me feel much happier looking toward the future and all the wonderful things I will soon have.

The silver lining

2009-09-23T02:34:00.002+05:30

If you've been reading me for a bit, you probably will have realised that my last few posts haven't exactly been all happiness and light. They've been dark, morbid and downright depressing and I've been gloomy and depressed for a long time too.

Until today that is; I was just reading my blog and looking back over the last few conversations I've had with friends and I realised what a sad, sad person I've become.

I'm turning into the kind of person I've always hated. Whiny, pessimistic and a wet blanket. And it's such a departure from my usual happy-go-lucky, optimistic, easy-going, up-for-anything self. I've lost all sense of spontaneity. I'm not as laid back as I once was. I take offence at the tiniest of offences. I get anxious over little things. I'm quick to lose my temper and slow to make amends. And I've never been that way ever before.

So as of today, I've vowed to be much happier and try to come out of this terrible place. And in my quest to improve myself, I decided this blog needed a new look as well. Not that dank, depressing blue. So here you have it, the colours of fall, a touch of gold and a smile on my face every time I view my page.

I also solemnly swear that I will kick my own ass every time I go down that same route. And I will try not to change my template again for another month at least.

P.S: To GB, for all that you are and for all that you mean to me, in borrowed words, this is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.

Light and darkness

2009-09-18T18:29:00.004+05:30

I haven't been feeling quite myself lately. I haven't been very happy both personally and professionally.

It's like a piece of me has been missing. I've been going through the motions of daily life mechanically feeling like it's not me, but someone else who's going through everything.

Also, the thought of quitting journalism has been coming to my mind a lot lately. And I haven't actually acknowledged it until now.

What has been the most indicative of my distaste of anything to do with journalism has been the fact that I've been quite disinclined to even blog. And that is something that's never happened before.

I know journalism doesn't have much to do with blogging, but for me, the happier I've been the more I've wanted to blog and I haven't felt like blogging in months now. And all the last few posts you've seen have been me pushing myself to write, just because I hate seeing this blog dead.

Personally is a whole other issue, on the other hand, and one I don't really want to get into. Maybe I will someday, but I seriously doubt it.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

~Henry Longfellow

Twice as nice

2009-08-16T13:57:00.005+05:30

This blog came into being as a lark. I had no specific ideas and no precise interest. Just plain old curiosity to see what the big deal about blogging was. I wasn't too sure of how long I'd stick to it and how many times I'd post. And while I haven't written as much as I'd like to, I've done fairly well. A lot of the time I haven't been able to do it properly, and in such situations I've given up rather than rush into it and force myself.

It's been exactly two years to the day since I published my first post on this blog and what a journey it's been. When I reached that first year, I didn't take it too seriously, figuring I'd gotten there without much effort.

But the second year around, I've put a lot more into it. I've wanted a prettier blog. I've changed templates. I've dusted and polished it and sent it out all new and shining. It's mine and I feel fiercely protective it.

But more than that, this blog has given me some lovely thoughts to read. And in these two years, my learning has grown and evolved, while my ego lies shattered.

The POA for the third year?

None as of now. We'll just see where it takes us.

To all my readers, thank you for your support and interest. It's what pulls me back here every time and keeps me blogging. I'm glad you enjoy this place.

Also, a two year anniversary deserved a new template, don't you think?

If you know me at all

2009-07-01T19:53:00.005+05:30

... you know my restlessness.

I have to have change around me constantly. I can't sit still for more than half a hour and I absolutely crave action (get your mind out of the gutter).

So anyway, I had nothing better to do and I decided I need a new template.

And so voila, I now have a new template.

I alternated between about 10-15 templates. Before I settled on one. And while it looked pretty in the sample. It was much too pink for me.

And for a girl, who has just one pink shirt in her entire wardrobe, something had to go.

And there you have it, it has some flowers. It's my favourite blue and it's pretty without being too girly.

Creating a new blogroll with about 68 people on it was quite the pain in the you-know-what though, and is probably the only thing keeping me from changing my template much more often.

I hope these flowers bring you a little cheer in the midst of the gloom of the rains.

My life through music

2009-06-28T14:25:00.003+05:30

This tag has been languishing in my drafts for more than a year now and I've finally been able to complete it and put it out here. Yay me!

P.S This tag comes to me by the way of Moo.

Opening Credits: Dear Prudence- The Beatles

Waking up: I'm alive- Celine Dion

Average Day: The Beauty of Grey- Live

First Date: Good Vibrations- Beach Boys

Falling in love: The way you make me feel- Michael Jackson/ Beautiful in my eyes- Joshua Kadison

Love scene: Take my breath away- Berlin

Fight scene: Highway to the Danger Zone- Kenny Loggins

Breaking Up: You've lost that loving feeling- Righteous Brothers/ Hit the road Jack- Ray Charles

Getting back together: Heaven- Bryan Adams

Secret Love: Follow me- Uncle Kracker

Life's okay: Fields of Gold- Sting

Mental Breakdown: Freefallin- Tom Petty

Driving: Wild Thing- Jimi Hendrix

Learning a lesson: Both sides now- Joni Mitchell

Deep thought: Blowing in the wind- Bob Dylan

Flashback: Time of your life- Greenday

Partying: Gasolina- Daddy Yankee/ Rise up- Yves LaRock

Happy dance: The Elephunk Theme - Black Eyed Peas/ Dhadak Dhadak- Bunty aur Babli/ Rang De Basanti- Rang De Basanti

Regretting: How to save a life- The Fray

Long night alone: When the stars go blue- U2 and the Corrs

Death Scene: Bring me to life- Evanesence

Closing credits: Losing my religion- REM

I tag

The Mad Momma
Just call me A
Homecooked

and whoever else wants to take this up. Please don't be influenced by how long I've taken for this. I'm just lazy. It's fun, I swear.

Moonwalk to Heaven

2009-06-26T17:01:00.009+05:30

'If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with'
Michael Jackson

The King of Pop is no more.

My day began with the news of his death via sms and I jumped out of bed to watch the news and see if it was really true.

All that I felt for Michael when he was ridiculed the world over was pity. Pity that such a great star was reduced to this. To being called Wacko Jacko and a pedophile. So much so that he left the US to settle in Bahrain.

How can you feel hatred towards someone who never wants to grow up. Who spoke of incessant rehearsals, whippings and name-calling as a child. Who cried from loneliness and vomited every time he saw his father. Who was made to perform from the age of five.

One night while he was asleep, his father climbed into his room through the bedroom window. Wearing a fright mask, he entered the room screaming and shouting, wanting to teach his children not to leave the window open when they went to sleep. For years afterward, Michael had nightmares about being kidnapped from his bedroom.

But in the end, all the media scrutiny focused on his pet chimpanzee Bubbles, his Neverland mansion, the rumours about the purchase of bones of The Elephant Man, his surgeries, his debts.

To all those born in the 80's, Michael meant roots, their base for music. I might deny listening to the Backstreet Boys and Boyzone, but Michael Jackson, I will gladly admit to. For as I told a friend, his contribution towards my musical influences has been significant.

He was the one who made music videos almost an art form. Who introduced a whole new style of dance. His dressing sense from the flamboyant hats to the military jackets to the white sequined gloves to the aviator sunglasses.

And my greatest sorrow is for a generation who will never know him and those who only think of him as a child molester and a pedophile. For they will never know what they missed.

To the one who introduced us to the moonwalk, the one who's videos are ingrained in our minds. To the man who wanted to be Bad and Dangerous. Who warned you to Beat It and who told us if it didn't matter if we were Black or White. The man who told you They Don't Really Care About Us. The man who wanted to Heal the World. The man who changed the music industry and brought millions of people across the globe together.

Maybe now as you sang, they'll leave you alone.

And while Bal Thackeray and me rarely find ourselves on the same side of anything. I have to agree with him when it comes to Michael Jackson, "Jackson is a great artist, and we must accept him as an artist. His movements are terrific. Not many people can dance that way. You will end up breaking your bones."

It really is the end of an era.

RIP, Michael, I hope you've found your Neverland.

Redoing racism

2009-06-19T18:54:00.004+05:30

One of my biggest fears about India is how intolerant as people we are becoming. We refuse to accept contrary viewpoints. their opinions and their right to choose, another person's right to do as they wish and their freedom to say what they want and dress as it pleases them.

I came across this article from Lost on the street and I can't even begin explaining how ridiculous I find the whole article.

And as a journalist having written that article, someone I'd expect to be mature and objective, it comes as even more of a shock.

How much further is this from accusing Muslims of cheering for Pakistan during a match and bursting crackers when Pakistan wins? What if Pakistan played better and deserved to win? What if Pakistan had the better team? What if I like the Pakistani style of play much better than the Indian one?

Take the 2007 T20 World Cup for instance, if Pakistan had won, I for one would have stood up and applauded because they played well and deserved to win. And if it hadn't been for Misbah's godawful shot they might have won.

So I think it's rather unfair to say that if your an Indian, you can't celebrate another team's victory and that it's unpatriotic. Because at the end of the day, supporting someone is my personal choice and celebrating or mourning is a personal choice as well.

I'm digressing however, she seems to have issues with everything the women did, they came in with a lack of politeness actually and with three henna-dyed, unruly haired, local misfits in a suburban café. (The shame!) Because of course we would never see any loud Indian girls with henna-dyed, unruly haired, local misfits in a suburban cafe.

And they guzzled wine? How could they? When beers were going around. Drinking foreign liquor in another country. Maybe if they'd sipped some desi daru/country liquor they'd have been instantly accepted?

In an attempt at magnanimity, Madam Tasneem says it's okay to show some team spirit, but to avoid too much of it because it'll hurt Indian sentiments.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm quite frankly tired of Indian sentiments. It's a load of claptrap and it's twisted around and manipulated to fit whatever issue you might have personally.

Excessive displays of affection embarrassing to Indian sentiments. Fine. Short skirts and plunging necklines offensive. Maybee. Cheering for another country when India is playing. Balls.

In an apparent display of jingoism, she goes on to ramble about how it was hurtful to see India being dissed and how patriotic everyone in the cafe got. So they had a reason for their offensive behaviour. But the three Brits retaliating to chants of 'England sucks' with 'Suck on that'(which I find hilarious by the way), that was rude.

Because they aren't allowed to be patriotic. Only we have pride in our country. Only we want to see our country win. The rest of them just play for the spirit of the game.

And I see what the Mad Momma meant when she says, what foot do we stand on when we jeer at racism in Australia, but do the same thing here too.

Maybe the attacked Indians cheered for India at a cafe there. Really a show of team spirit is alright, but when you’re in an Australian café, filled with manic Australians, who worship the ground that their sportsmen walk on, it’s a bit impolite to make your sentiments SO blatant.

Walking on sushine

2009-06-19T15:41:00.006+05:30

I was tagged for this by the Mad Momma approximately eight months and my lazy-ass ways have gotten around to me doing it only now.

Yes, I know I suck.

Gracefully ignoring all the snickering, I shall get to the purpose of the tag.

A lot of people I know love the monsoon. They love the rain and the smell of the earth after the first rain. They love the idea of hot pakoras and a steaming cup of tea watching the rain lash against the windows and lightening light up the sky.

For me, on the other hand, the monsoon has never been one of my favourites. Sure, I love the smell of the earth and the hot pakoras minus the tea. Long walks in the rain.

But there's so much about the monsoon that I dislike. The dirt that's everywhere. In the trains, in the buses. The flies, the dirty rivulets of water.

But what is perhaps my major gripe with the monsoon is how depressed it makes me feel. Nothing gets me down as much as looking out of the window and seeing a darkened sky, rain pouring down, thunder and lightening. Well, maybe I'm a lil bit crazy, but I never feel as lonely or upset as I do at those particular moments.

The winter, on the other hand is a whole other story. First off, it's not like we have much of a winter here anyway, so it's all pretty much a moo point.

But I have experienced winter, in Ladakh and Kashmir and Himachal. Temperatures falling to below 0 degrees Celsius.

And while I love the cold, I don't think I could bear to live like that all the time. All bundled up and afraid of frostbite.

I'm born to live in shorts and tees, you see. And that's precisely why I love summer.

Now before you run up with the straitjacket and the butterfly net, wondering what in hell could I love about humid, sticky, sweaty Mumbai summers.

It's more about the memories associated with it, that make it a very special season for me.

Summer meant three months of vacation from school. With just play, play and more play, beginning at 10 in the morning and ending at around 9 in the night. Carrom, Monoply, Pictionary, Hockey, Football, Basketball, Lock and Key, Hide n Seek, Dabba ISpice. Cycling everywhere, even from the kitchen to the bathroom.

It was ripe Alphonso mangoes that my dad bought wholesale from Crawford market devoured by the dozen. Gloriously golden yellow, with the most delicious aroma.

Green raw mangoes stolen from people's trees which could set your teeth on edge eaten with a dab of salt and red chilli powder. Countless numbers of frozen golas.

It was vacations taken with family and friends

It was hot, muggy afternoons spent in the cool confines of Regal and Eros, watching movies with a quick trip down to either Leopold's or Gokul for chilled beer, depending on how rich we were feeling.

It was plans for the year ahead and hopes of what the new academic year would be like.

Summer has so much going for it.

Now you ask? Summer now is spent inside the almost frigid office looking down on the poor sods who are slaving away under the heat of the sun.

I don't get much of the rest of the joys of summer you see.

And just so you appreciate a little sunshine too. I leave you with THIS.

Fools rush in

2009-06-17T16:14:00.002+05:30

where angels fear to tread...

I've heard that proverb about a hundred times and it failed to sink in.

Until recently that is.

A friend of mine has been dating somebody for quite a while now and while we haven't had much of an interaction, I've always thought of her boyfriend and me getting on qite well with quite a few things in common.

I don't think so anymore. Especially not after a recent night, when his first words on seeing me there blatantly made me feel like an outsider. He completely ignored me. Replied to my attempts at conversation with one word answers and just generally excluding me out of everything.

And I am upset. More than most people think. I love my friend very much and she's one of my favourite people in the world. But a boyfriend who behaves this way always throws a spanner in the works.

We'll see how it goes.

Hope & Faith

2009-06-16T17:45:00.003+05:30

Have you ever wanted anything so much that it's been all you could ever think about?

As much as you try to force it out of your mind, it keeps popping back up and preying on you at the oddest of moments. During a random conversation, while reading a book or traveling.

You keep imagining about how beyond amazing it would be, if it actually happened, while conveniently blocking out the idea of failure.

That's what I've been going through for the past couple of weeks. I've been anxious, nervous and a touch desperate.

Praying and hoping and crossing my fingers and making promises to God. And it's been a while since I've been able to think about anything else.

I've been in living in limbo lately. Just floating through life, waiting to know what will happen.

What really scares me however is that I want this so much and I keep imagining it happening and I'm afraid I might jinx it. That it will never happen to me. And that of all the people it could happen, why would it be me and my luck's really never been that good.

But the waiting should end this week and I'm dreading it. At least hoping is better than no hope at all.

What is it you ask?

If all goes well, I'll tell you.

Thirty things about me you didn't want to know

2009-06-06T12:54:00.006+05:30

I'm doing a tag after a while, courtesy of Moo and now since you obviously don't know enough about me already, I'm going to enlighten you some more.

1) When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Are those lines under my eyes?

2)How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
Approximately 100 bucks, I just withdraw money as and when I need it.

3) What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Sore, More, Lore, Fore, Core, Roar, Tore, Pore, Gore, Whore, Wore, Yore, Bore (Does anyone see the point of this question?)

4) Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Some telemarketer convincing me to subscribe for their DVD rental service. As if!

5) What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

Time of your Life by Greenday

6)What are you wearing right now?
A spiffy white kurta and jeans (I'm at work *Ssshhh*)

7)Do you label yourself?
Course, and I'm extremely expensive too.

8) Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own?
Well, I own one pair of pink kolhapuris that I absolutely love and are falling apart. Lovely black and white ballerinas from Sole to Soul. About 6 pairs of Reebok shoes, 3 from Adidas, One Nike Uptempo. And heels that range across brands and stores. This is not counting myriad flip-flops picked up from the roadside. Some from Bata and Osho's in every colour of the rainbow.

9) Bright or Dark Room?
Bright room full of people.

10) What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
She's quite a pain in the ass. What!?! I've said nice things about her plenty of times.

11) What does your watch look like?
It's black with a white face and has HSBC written on it. Yes, it's a free watch.

12) What were you doing at midnight last night?
Trying to get my brother to change the channel so I could watch the French Open

13) What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"I'm coming a little late. Have to be at home cause mum's coming. I should be in by 3:30."

14) What’s a word that you say a lot?
Fuck, What crap, Cool

15)Who told you he/she loved you last?
I can't remember. Does that say terrible things about me?

16) Last furry thing you touched?
The resident dog in my building.

19) Your favourite age so far
From 18 to 21, have all been pretty awesome.

18) What was the last thing you said to someone?
Tell me when your done.

19) The last song you listened to?
Great Balls of Fire

20) Where did you live in 1987?
Before April 4th, I was in my mother womb. After that, Mumbai.(Thank you Moo for the inspiration!)

21) Are you jealous of anyone?
Of everybody's who going abroad to study.

22) Is anyone jealous of you?
Naturellement. I'm da bomb.

23) Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Cellphone, keys and a book

24) What’s your favourite town/city?
Mumbai but obviously.

25) When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
About 10 years ago, when my cousins were in Nairobi and I hadn't even heard of the internet.

26) Can you change the oil on a car?
Never!

27) Your first love/big crush: What is the last thing you heard about him/her?
That he's in Australia. Partying a lot and studying very little. And also, that his sister is now married.

28) Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My head hurts from answering all these questions.

29) What is your current desktop picture?
At work, Fernando Torres superimposed on a Liverpool FC backdrop, with the Liverpool song You'll never walk alone emblazoned across. I *heart* Torres.

At home, some kind of a monster truck wallpaper of my brother's choosing. Don't ask.

30) Have you been burnt by love?
Once, but I'm not really sure if it was love.

And now finally, I tag,

Homecooked
Neha
Just call me A
SMM
Sunshine
Ersa

Party Pooper

2009-05-29T14:14:00.005+05:30

I am now officially scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas about posts, and this is what it has resulted in.

You have been duly warned however, so read on at your own peril.

You know how it is when your at a party or at a sleepover and it's around four am in the morning and things are starting to quiet down, with people drifting off to sleep.

And you know how there's always one incessantly loud person, who refuses to go sleep, who's batteries haven't wound down yet, the one who annoys the heck outta everybody.

That's me. I'm that loud annoying person.

The later it gets and the sleeper everybody else gets, the more energetic I get. And I refuse to let people go to sleep. Well, unless I'm indulging in some activities of my own, which I refuse to elaborate on considering this is a family blog and being stoned to death is not my idea of the best way to meet my Maker.

Anyway, I want them to do something. Dance, talk, sing. SOMETHING!!

The last party I was at, I got everybody up and we started playing Hide & Seek. (Another story, another post).

Tactics include hiding cell phones and then calling them, thus making said person hunt frantically for phone.

Start singing really badly and really off key or playing thumping heavy metal music.

If the above do not work, then I resort to prying eyelids open, pinching, pulling people up by their hands, tickling, pinching their nose shut thereby making them wake up gasping for breath.

And my personal favourite, poking them in the shoulder continously interspersed with Get Uppppppppppppppppp said in an increasingly high pitch with varying levels of whininess.

However, the resulting strangling does take the edge off some of the fun.

And I wonder why I don't get invited out much.

Six months later...

2009-05-25T19:07:00.003+05:30

seeing her name on my phone still causes a fresh rush of pain.

Sunday

2009-05-17T15:45:00.005+05:30

I've always loved Sundays.

During school, it was the one day of a week when my parents were at home.

We'd get a chance to do things around the house. Stocking up for the week ahead. Having a special family lunch. A nap after that and visiting family and friends in the evening.

I loved Sundays even more when I started work. Sunday was MY day off. When I could relax and do absolutely anything I wanted to do. Potter around the house, talk on the phone, catch up on all my television viewing and read my books at leisure.

But it's not so anymore. Ever since I switched jobs. I now work weekends and take my offs on Monday.

And it sucks. It throws everything out of schedule. When I'm free to do absolutely anything I want to do, everybody else is going to work.

On the brighter side, I don't have Monday blues anymore.

I just hate Tuesdays now.

Changing times

2009-05-16T21:34:00.007+05:30

This post has been simmering in my mind for a while. Since Christmas to be precise.

But better late than never I always say.

Remember the friends I talked about here?

We've been, for as long as I can remember, the eight of us. KD, RM, LS, AP, LL, NR, NE and me, with a few people coming and going over the years and friends outside our extremely tight circle. Four guys and four girls.

I shifted out of my old colony and we rarely met, what with college, exams, sports, trips et all.

We normally met on birthdays, Easter, Christmas, New Year, family functions, with a few people missing sometimes.

But no matter how often we met or not at all, the bond was always there, strong and holding fast. Binding us together.

We always knew we could call each other at any time of the night and know they'd be there for us in a second and that's the way it stayed.

Christmas Eve especially was a special special night. No matter, what else we might have missed, Christmas Eve was something we were always together for.

First midnight mass and then a party. Some times just the eight of us, with a couple of other people maybe and whoever were our significant others, sometimes more. Sometimes a whole house full. But together we were.

I remember some fantastic times. I had my first sip of alcohol with them on Christmas Eve. My first flame shot. The first time I got high.

But over the last year and graduation, our friendship has slowly and surely begun to splinter. It's gone so far, I don't see it ever coming back to normal without something drastic happening.

What's caused it?

Insecure boyfriends.

Two girls in the group, LL and NE, have new boyfriends acquired over the last two years approximately, who are not comfortable with them being around us and the rest of the guys.

Especially the guys and they've been issued ultimatums.

I fail to understand their boyfriends and their relationships, but more than that I fail to understand LL and NE.

How they could have so easily turned their backs on a friendship that's stood strong over the years. How they managed to turn their backs on us. How they didn't manage to defend their friendship.

Or were we just that expendable?

And don't tell me it's love. Love doesn't issue ultimatums. It doesn't demand that you cut off ties with your friends. It doesn't tell you to stop talking to a guy you've known for 6 years just because he's a bit of a flirt.

If you love someone, you trust them. It's that simple in my book. And if she didn't fall for him all these years, why would she fall for him now?

But the biggest disappointment of all has been LL. Feisty, loud, brave. The last person I'd expect to bow down like that and behave this way would have been her.

And she's been the worse of the two. She doesn't pick up our calls. Refuses to talk to us when she's online, in fact I'd even go so far as to say she's blocked us, considering I never do see her online now. When we go over to see her, she chats with us at the door and doesn't invite us in. Doesn't even call or sms on our birthdays.

And it hurts. To see the breaking up of a group that hung on so tight all throughout.

It strikes us at the oddest of moments, when we're reminiscing and laughing over something, and we remember the two that aren't there with us.

It's a shaft of pain that runs straight through.

It's like a death, but in some ways it's worse.

Because they chose not to be there.

Workies

2009-05-16T21:10:00.004+05:30

There are days when I hate my job.

Today is not one of those days.

Today I absolutely cannot stand my job. I'm very irritated, grumpy, frustrated, irascible and whiny. And I want to pick up my chair and smash it on my computer.

Capish?

I'm so irritated in fact, that the next person who speaks to me is probably going to get his head bitten off and I'm quite relishing the idea.

The best part. It's 9:30 pm IST and I still have four hours to go.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Do you know what else I hate?

The goddamn general elections. That's what.

Thank god it's bloody over.

A new template

2009-05-16T20:13:00.005+05:30

I have a new template in case you didn't notice.

And yes, I know it's been only a month since I changed the old one. But I can't stick with one thing for too long. And I fell in love with this template the minute I saw it.

It's pretty. And I think it goes beautifully with my blog. And I like it. And well, I don't think I really need to say anything else, do I?

It does have a few kinks though. So bear with me while I iron them out.

But I am proud of the fact that I've managed to blog roll almost all the blogs I read which is no mean feat. Unlike last time, where I lost half the blogs when I changed templates.

So anyway, please drop a line and tell me what you think of the new template.

Pretty please with a cherry on top.

Busy

2009-05-13T20:18:00.007+05:30

It's been a busy three weeks for me.

The barely having time to breathe kinda days which rush by and leave you exhilarated and happy.

I went for a camping trip recently. A five day long trip. To a place near Lonavla. The YMCA has a campsite there called Camp Lakeside.

And it is hands down, one of the most brilliant places places you could ever hope to go too.

It has rock climbing, rappelling, a 200 feet deep lake to swim in, rifle-shooting and a lot of games and fun.

Days started at 6 am and ended at 12 in the night for us counselors. Exhausting, at times frustrating days.

Would I do it again? You betcha' ass I would.

It helped me rediscover my love for the outdoors. And for that I'll be forever grateful.

Barcelona Beauty

2009-05-03T16:13:00.002+05:30

Did anyone watch Barcelona versus Real Madrid in the 'El Classico' match of the year?

Wasn't Barcelona absolutely marvellous? Xavi, Iniesta, Thierry Henry, Messi.

All so so brilliant. Especially the Spanish players.

I want to adopt them all.

Sigh.

Broiled Fish

2009-04-28T14:12:00.000+05:30

That's what I would taste like to a cannibal. Broiled fish! Hmph.

Created by Recipe Star

Broacha-d

2009-04-27T15:26:00.001+05:30

Does anyone think Cyrus Broacha is one of the most annoying people on the planet?

I do. He was just about tolebearable on MTV, but I can't bear him even an iota on CNN-IBN. He goes out of his way to irritate the hell out of you and it's not even funny.

But I'd have to say, he's the lesser evil compared to Sajid Khan. He makes me want to rip my arm off just so that I'd have something to throw at him.

Who annoys you?

Rude Food

2009-04-27T00:48:00.001+05:30

I hate it when I find hair in my food. The only thing even more disgusting than that is finding a cockroach in your food.

And that's exactly what happened yesterday. I found a hair in my Malaysian Chilli Noodles. Anyway, to start at the beginning, I went out for lunch to the FiveSpice restaraunt in Colaba with a bunch of people, none of whom I know too well.. It's one of my favourite restaraunts in Mumbai. Not too expensive. Generous portions and delectable desserts.

But I doubt I'll be going back to the branch in Colaba after the way they behaved when I pointed out the hair on the food.

First off, he tells me, "There's nothing I can, you guys are almost done." Thereby insinuating that I'd done it just to get the damn thing for free. At which point I said, "I don't care whether I'm almost done. There's a hair in my food, for crying out loud."

To which, and I don't know how the hell this guy got to be manager, responds with "What do you expect me to do?". I pretty much lost it and snapped "I expect you not to put hair in my food." The asshole then turns around and says to me, "This happens very rarely."

To be perfectly honest, I don't give a f*** if it's happened for the first time in a million years. It's happened to me and I want to see you do something about it!

I'd have probably pursued the matter a little further and argued some more, but the diners with me began to look a little embarassmed making me seem like the bitch, who's creating a scene, and so I let it go.

And I'm regretting it ever since. I should have probably let the manager know what exactly my problem is.

Now, not once throughout the entire conversation did he apologise. Not once did he say I'm sorry. Not once did he express regret that my meal was ruined. It wasn't about him not charging me for my food or sending over a free replacement, but just about being decent and doing the right thing, without getting defensive. Yes it could happen to anyone, but that doesn't mean I'm going to accept finding a little black hair, thankfully not curly, at the bottom of my bowl. How hard is that to get.

If he'd just been decent about the entire incident, I'd have said that I understood and let it go and I wouldn't have said anything else.

Instead, he made the entire matter worse and has probably turned me off ever going there again. Why would a restaurant purposely damage its reputation?

A lot of people I know would rather eat a bad meal and pay for it, rather than mention a problem to the waitstaff. I would rather try to address the problem and have a meal that I can enjoy and not resent paying for and this has often led to problems.

It's not that I'm a rude person. I'm unfailingly polite, saying please and thank you all the time and leaving behind a more than generous tip, if I feel the service has been particularly exceptional. And I wasn't rude in this case either. I didn't raise my voice, I didn't shout. I didn't create a scene and make faces, so if I'm being nice, why can't they?

It's rare that I complain about food, but on this occasion I was treated as if I'm the problem, rather than the food. I know that I'm not a complainer by nature and don't appreciate being treated as one for a valid criticism or request for replacement. It's unfortunate that the only places that consistently do better than this are the very best, most expensive restaurants. But how often can someone's who only just begun to work afford to eat there.

For that matter though, I've found several small restaurants to be very accommodating too. Their service is hard working, friendly and sincere.

What is it about mid-level restaurants that they have so much ingratitude towards to the paying customer?

One of my other pet peeves is when waitstaff remove a plate as soon as, or even before, the person has finished eating. I feel that if the slowest eater in a group is the only one left with a plate and all others have been cleared, it sends the discourteous message of 'hurry up, you slowpoke'.

At the end of the day, I'm paying for the food and I believe in constructive criticism.

Football Obsessed

2009-04-26T19:31:00.008+05:30

I am now totally football obsessed. I watch football day and night these days.

Take yesterday for instance, I watched Liverpool play Hull City, Chelsea play West Ham, Manchester United play Tottenham and Valencia play Barcelona in the La Liga, which meant I went to sleep at 4 in the morning.

Now that's a lot, even by my normal sports fanatic standards.

The bad part though, only Liverpool went exactly the way I wanted it to. Chelsea beat West Ham, ManU came back to beat Tottenham from two down to win 5-2.

All thanks to an absolutely horrible penalty given by the referee.

Barcelona leveled with Valencia too, courtesy of a terrible mistake by the keeper. Poor David Villa.

P.S: I'm a Liverpool girl. They're where it's at. Also, while I'm fairly neutral to Manchester and Arsenal. I canNOT stand Chelsea.

Not even a teeny tiny, minuscule little bit.

Two-two awards and a tag

2009-04-26T15:32:00.009+05:30

I've been supremely busy of late, with absolutely no energy to do anything other than what has been absolutely required of me, or I have not been forced into doing with a gun held to my head. To know why, refer to this post below this one.

And I've been feeling very badly about the fact that I was given not one, but two awards by Homecooked, which I was feeling too lazy to acknowledge and pass on to the rest of you.

But I'm feeling nice now, and in a mood, where I can barely keep my eyes open and do some actual work that I get paid for. So I'm going to just accept the awards while my boss thinks I'm being oh so diligent and doing major work, while I'm actually blogging. (*Raise your hand if you've done this before*). The tag I'll deal with later when I'm at home and Youtube isn't blocked.

So anyway, the first one is the very lovely Friends one.

And now out of the kindness of my heart I'm going to pass it on to

a) Moo- Because she IS a friend on the blog, and even more so off.

b) Mynie- Because I couldn't really ask for a better friend than her ever.

c) Neha- Because I want to.

d) Just call me A:- Because in the short period I've known her, she's been wonderful.

And the second one is one I'm very chuffed about.

I didn't even know I had a purpose. Much less I blogged with a purpose. But what the hey, you learn something new everyday. See that rhymed, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.

So anyway, I'm going to pass this on to:-

a) Perakath- Because he has a purpose.

b) The Mad Momma- Because she is purposeful

c) Moo (Yes I know it's her again)- Because, goddammit I couldn't think of why except I want to. So there.

P.S: I apologise to my all my awardees. I know this is no way to give out awards. I have beautiful reasons in my head, but I'm sleep deprived and inherently lazy. Combined they make for a deadly combination.

P.P.S: I have two awards at a time. Two. Count 'em again. My brilliance astounds me as does the levels of egoism I manage to reach.

*Goes off singing*

Change of heart

2009-04-25T12:36:00.005+05:30

Screw everything I said earlier.

I take it back. It's so bad, I even contemplated deleting the damn post.

I'm going over to the dark side again. The Moo side of things. It's a much better funner side and it doesn't involve wanting to bang heads together at 15 minute intervals.

What can I say, five days of looking after 40 screaming, loud kids from the ages of six to thirteen at a YMCA day camp is a pain in the you-know-what, not to mention exhausting, from 9 to 5 will do that to you.

Ensuring they're all fed, watered, occupied, enjoying themselves, taking part in everything and not pushing and pulling each other, makes you by the end of the day, want you to pull your hair out and either kill them or kill yourself.

I'm NEVER having kids. Never, never never...........

*Runs off screaming into the distance*

The Bliss

2009-04-24T18:39:00.003+05:30

God bless who ever came up with the idea of scheduled posting.

It helps me balance out days when I have tons of blogging ideas as well as the urge to blog with days when I have none at all.

*Whistles merrily*

Mappings

2009-04-24T09:04:00.006+05:30

Vikram Seth has always been one of my favourite writers. I loved A Suitable Boy and From Heaven's Tale has filled me with a longing to experience Tibet.

Mappings especially was beautiful, with the classical learning, wit and lyrical charm of Vikram Seth. Who couldn't love The Tale of Melon City and From Mount Tamalpais or The Walkers and Moonless Night.

Take Sit from All you who sleep tonight for example

Sit, drink your coffee here; your work can wait awhile.
You're twenty-six, and still have some life ahead.
No need for wit; just talk vacuities, and I'll
Reciprocate in kind, or laugh at you instead.

The world is too opaque, distressing and profound.
This twenty minutes' rendezvous will make my day:
To sit here in the sun, with grackles all around,
Staring with beady eyes, and you two feet away.

But that's not what this post is about.

This post is about that little hit meter on the right hand side of my page, that registers above 10,000 hits and yes I know it's absolutely juvenile of me, but I did a little jig when I saw my blog had about 10,000 hits. It was wonderful to think that 10,000 people might have actually read my little blog.

I always wonder what the people who read my blog but never comment think. Do they like it? Is there something I need to change? What makes them not comment?

Every time I look at my little clustermap, I marvel at the dots on the map, Brazil, Peru, Paris, Germany. Pretty much everywhere is covered and I wonder how that has happened in just a year and a half of a blog.

It's a good feeling.

P.S: Yes, I know it's a nonsensical post. But I'm glad it's up.

Disclaimer: The management accepts no responsibility if 9,000 of the 10,000 clicks are her obsessively checking for new comments and admiring the pretty header.

Music and Lyrics

2009-04-23T20:19:00.001+05:30

I've been feeling unusually melancholy of late.

I've been very down on myself, thinking I'm not good enough and maybe that's why nothing right ever happens with me.

In short, being my typical melodramatic self.

So anyway, I was terribly low yesterday and I was just talking to a friend while I got ready to go to work. Complaining and pretty much whining non-stop all throughout until I had to leave.

So I picked up my bag, put on my shoes, did a final check to make sure the electricity and gas were switched off and left, only to find my friend waiting at my building gate with his precious Ipod in hand, insisting that I take it to work as I needed to listen to some music to feel at peace saying something about music soothing the wild beast and all that.

And me being me, I took the Ipod with really bad grace, grumbled about how my bag was already heavy enough and got into the cab, only to switch on the Ipod and hear Joey McIntyre singing 'Stay the Same'.

And my heart melted inside, and the entire fifteen minute ride, I lay back with my eyes closed, soaking in the music and the warmth of friendship and realising how lucky I was that I have a friend who cares that much. Who took the trouble of running over from his building, setting the Ipod to that particular song, and just in general understanding and being his usual wonderful self.

And more importantly to N, as the Dave Matthews Band sang in #34, "I'll lean on you and you'll lean on me and we'll be okay".

Stay the same- Joey McIntyre

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

Fake IPL Player

2009-04-23T20:12:00.006+05:30

I don't know if you've been following the IPL religiously. I haven't. I'd much rather watch some football.

What I am following regularly now is a blog that's allegedly by a Kolkata Knight Riders insider.

How far it's true? I don't really know, but it's fun and rather sarcastic and a good read for when you have nothing better to do, with the latest being him referring to Bublee and Babli, which allegedly refers to Brett Lee and Preity Zinta apparently as having an affair.

Anyway the link is HERE.

And to make things easier for you, some of the main characters as gleaned from comments left on the Fake IPL Player's posts.

Kishen Kanhaiya is Ravi Shastri

Appam Chuthiya is Sreesanth

Pedophile priest is Adam Gilchrist

Kaan Moolo is Ajit Agarkar

Big Sister is Shilpa Shetty

Prince of Patiala is Yuvraj Singh

Lord Almighty is Sourav Ganguly

Babli is Preity Zinta

Calypso King is Chris Gayle

Vinnie Dildo is Shah Rukh Khan

Havai Chapal is Greg Chappel

Junta Tormentor is Ajantha Mendis

The Baja of Baroda is Anshuman Gaekwad

Sandy Baddy babe is Mandira Bedi

Little John is Ishant Sharma

John Wrong is John Wright

Bangla Tiger is Mashrafe Mortaza

Sheikh of Tweak is Shane Warne.

Meera Bhai is Harbhajan Singh.

RDB is Randeep Bose.

Ram is VVS Laxman.

Mr.Batlivala refers to liqour baron Mr Vijay Mallya

Phoren Babas refers to Brendon Mc Cullum and the coach John Buchanan

Posts

2009-04-17T20:41:00.004+05:30

In case your wondering, about the spate of posts, two of them were languishing in my drafts, Far far away and Forever and I've been in a blogging mood.

So I finished them off and put them up and as I go through this draft posting mood, you can expect a lot more posts.

It makes me feel a teeny tiny bit better about the beginning of the year when i hardly ever posted.

What kind of a teacher?

2009-04-17T19:27:00.006+05:30

I've been burning with rage all day long. Why? I think this pretty much says it all.

We've, all at least most of the people I know, experienced corporal punishment in school. Even if it was just a rap on the knuckles with a ruler or a slightly stinging slap. Meant to hurt your pride more.

But this is a whole other matter. What kind of a teacher bangs a 11-year-old child's head on the table, makes her stand out in the sun all day long, with BRICKS on her shoulders, for crying out loud, until she vomits and is unconscious. What kind of heartless, unfeeling sadistic type of person do you have to be? Was not knowing her alphabets that much of a sin that she had to die for it?

And why did no one else step in, not any other teacher, not the principal, not the peons or ayahs in the school. Why was it that it was only the girl's sister who noticed her unconscious.

To top it all, the school's argument is that she was weak. By which basis, you would think that they've punished 'stronger' kids this way and nothing's ever happened to them and so it's obvious it was little Shona's fault.

And I agree with Renuka Chowdhary, suspension isn't enough. Stronger action needs to be taken against the teacher. This is cruelty at its worst. And now that second standard student is no more. And someone should pay and must.

And I really hope the National Commission for the Protection of Child Rights wakes up and begins actively examining schools and their methods, set up counselling centers maybe. Just take a more active role.

No child should ever have to deal with this ever again and no parent either.

Forever

2009-04-17T19:00:00.005+05:30

I've been looking for forever, from well, forever. I've hunted high and low, here and there. Everywhere. I've picked up every rock, shaken every tree.

I've behaved abominably when I haven't found it and deluded myself into thinking that I have found it at times. Only to realise that whatever it was, it wasn't forever. It was bits and pieces. Fragments. And my heart ached a little bit every time.

But now I know better. I'm going to wait for forever and at the same time not wait.

Forever will come to me when I least expect it. When I'm ready for it. And not a minute too soon. When I'm able to love, as much for its flaws as for its beauty. For its talents as for its failings.

It will come not reeking of perfection, but of warmth and comfort and knowing we fit together.

It will blossom under long walks in the rain, sparkle over strawberry iced teas and blueberry cheesecakes. Grin lopsidedly over Kiwi Martinis and Scotch on the rocks. Be positive through hard work days and tough family times.

To the one whom I'll be able to talk to and vent to be and be friends with. To honesty and hope and patience.

I know it'll be mine someday.

Far far away

2009-04-16T23:01:00.008+05:30

I'm in office right now. Waiting for the pages to come in so that I can upload them on to the website. And then I can leave. It's quiet today here, with the TVs switched off, half the people gone and the office strangely quiet for what is actually dead line time.

My mind on the other hand is far away. In Kashmir and Ladakh.

I remember Yusmarg valley and the drive to get there. How I wanted to get off the bus and walk there among the grassy meadows, dotted with sheep and little log cabins, ringed by dense pine forests with awe-inspiring snow capped mountains towering behind.

I remember the way my heart sang when we walked into Yusmarg and witnessed the river gurgling by, singing a merry little song. Of panting up one crest in the meadow with wild ponies cantering around and running crazily down the other side only to be ankle deep in a pool of mud.

Of sitting by the river in a little alcove formed by rocks, scribbling in my little notebook and then lying back and quietly humming A Hundred Miles and One Day At A Time. Two of my favourite hymns. They always make me feel at peace and calm, which is not something many things can do.

Kashmir has captured a part of my soul in a way few other places have. It called out to me and laid claim. It made me want to dig in and never leave. To fix all that ailed it and polish it until it was bright and beautiful and sparkling again.

It made me shed silent tears. It made me a feel like a foreigner in my own country. It made me realise how much my eyes needed to be open, how little I actually knew. How little I understood.

Of walking through one of the most beautiful campuses I have ever seen in India and only later knowing the pain that lay hidden as I heard the students of the law faculty speak about what they had to endure not just at the hands of militants but the Army. Of their voices brimming over with frustration and despair.

Kashmir calls out to me every time I read a news report about blasts and clashes. My heart bleeds a little for the valley every time I hear it and Mynie said it here, summarizing all we felt, that I don't think anything I could ever write would top it.

I think the only hope for the people of Kashmir now is a referendum. Autonomy, Pakistan or India, whatever they choose, as long as they're able to breathe easier and live happier without a military presence around every corner. Without the hassles of convoys and curfews.

And if they choose autonomy, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Stupid office

2009-04-16T21:07:00.003+05:30

Every single day, the AC in my office is cranked up as high as possible. Leaving us poor hapless souls to shiver and freeze our day through work, and go home resembling a popsicle.

But today, when I come appropriately attired in a snug, full sleeve shirt, is the day, they decide they need to cut power and have the entire office run on the generator.

Which basically means no AC and lots of sweat.

What's a girl to do?

Wanderlust Part Deux

2009-04-09T20:42:00.003+05:30

I came across this in a Danielle Steele book. Who said you can't get anything good out of those books? One of my favourite poems and one I read virtually every time I get the urge to travel.

Wander, wander,
wandering
meandering,
the urge to roam,
to dance,
to fly,
to be,
the search for
free,
the need to see
to go
to find
to search
to do,
my thirsts
so easily quenched
so close to home
and yours so grand,
so elegant,
so marvelous,
climbing mountaintops
and elephants
and tiger hunts
and dancing bears
and far off stars
and trips to mars
and all of it
so wild,
so vast,
so free,
as you go wander,
wander,
wandering,
and then the best
part of all
when, satisfied,
complete,
and happy now,
you wander
slowly
home
to me.

The countdown tag

2009-04-09T20:09:00.007+05:30

I've been so excited to put up as many posts as I can on my new template that I'm doing this tag right now instead of procrastinating on it like I'm usually prone to do. Also, this is the first time she's tagged me and I really didn't want to scare her away.

Anyway, Just call me A tagged me for this one. It seems fun and I love the way the person who tagged her did it, but I unfortunately am not that creative. So I'm going to just do it my normal, staid way. And A, I entirely empathize with how hard it was to think of something to go with each number.

1 is a number I find it impossible to stop at while eating chocolate.

2 in the afternoon is when I'm at my most sleepy at work

3 is for the years I spent in Wilsons. The most enriching, beautiful, hard years of my life.

4 is the day and the month in which I was born. (Sorry, I had to steal this)

5 in the evening is when I look out of the window and wish I had a boring 9 to 5 job so I could either be on my way home or play basketball.

6 is my number according to numerology. Not that I believe in it. But it's fun.

7 is when Friends comes on TV every evening.

8 is a year I don't really remember much of. Excepting enacting Shivaji in one play and a British judge in the other.

9 is my lucky number I think. All multiple numbers of 3 actually. Also a time of the night, that sees me getting very excited I don't know why.

10 is for how many times I'm going to hang and quarter the person who made me do this. Do you know how much I had to think? You made me think!! Phooeyy :D

Also, I tag Homecooked, Neha and Moo. Do it now!

Template

2009-04-08T20:10:00.006+05:30

I don't know if you've noticed, but I have a new blog template and I for one, am chuffed about it.

I keep coming back to check it out and marvel at how cool and professional my blog seems now. As opposed to my DIY template, that looked like a five year old had something to do it with.

Hopefully, it shall inspire me to post more too.

On the other hand though, I lost a lot of wonderful widgets. The clustermaps showing me where people were visiting from. My stat counter. And most importantly of all, those little numbers that showed me how many people had visited my blog in a year and a half of its existence. And to think I was almost up to 10,000. Out of which around 9,999 would have been obsessively checking.

Anyhoo, I shall be up and running full steam again soon.

As far as the speaker in the header goes, I seem to find myself doing a lot less whispering these days and a lot more yelling, shouting, screaming and generally being the loudest person wherever I go.

And now that I mention it, the idea of a new moniker has taken a hold of me. Should I change? Shouldn't I? Does Gentle Whispers really go with my posts?

What do YOU think?

Literary characters

2009-03-29T21:49:00.005+05:30

Have you ever fallen in love with a character from a book?

I have. More times than I can count.

And right now, I am absolutely in love with the character of Nikhil Khoda from The Zoya Factor.

It's a chick-lit book. So unless your fond of the genre, I'd suggest you stay away though. It is fun though with tons of contemporary references and easily relatable characters. Also, figuring out whom the characters are based on just adds to it.

Read it for sure.

Draft

2009-03-26T22:17:00.002+05:30

I've been wanting to blog all day, but nothing blog worthy really came to my mind.

And then I remembered this. it's been lying in my drafts since October. So please go over. Check it out and maybe leave me a comment. Okay?

How important is honesty?

2009-03-22T17:46:00.008+05:30

My oldest friends perhaps are the ones from the areas where I used to live. They've known me for a good 8 years at least now. Inside and out. Everything there is to know.

If I call them in the middle of the night, I know they'd be there for me without thinking about it twice. They've pulled and pushed and prodded me. Made jokes. Laughed with me and at me. Cried with me and for me. And have been the best friends I could probably ever ask for.

But at no point have they ever lied to me. If I've been in the wrong, delusional or brought something down upon myself. Not once have they hesitated to tell me that I'm at fault.

And what forms the basis of our friendship is honesty. Brutal, painful honesty. Which sometimes listening to is hard, but when you think about it is absolutely right. We never shield each other from the truth.

And while this may seem harsh, it's not. Sure it's not always pretty. But its necessary.

And I wouldn't expect any less from any friends of mine.

Which brings me to the entire point of this article. I've carried on this brutal honesty thing to all the other friendships in my life and that is a lot. As far as I know, 99% of them are okay with it. But one person isn't.

A friend of mine can't deal with this honesty. She feels that I'm not supportive enough as a friend. And that sometimes I need to keep my truth to myself.

My argument here however is, that if I don't speak my mind or if I don't say what I think what kind of a friend am I? In my eyes, that ranks as a very crucial failure on my part.

I always believe in saying whatever I think is right and true. And if someone is out of line, I'm not going to hesitate to speak the truth. It's as simple as that in my book at least.

And my speaking the truth doesn't mean I'm any less supportive or loyal. Not in my book. Because even if i tell my friend that she's wrong. I'm STILL her friend and I would still stand beside her whatever she chose.

I just wish she would get that.

P.S: Happy Birthday, Moo!! I'm terribly sorry for not calling and wishing. *Hangs head in shame*

Humour and sarcasm

2009-03-22T00:32:00.004+05:30

I'm a sarcastic person. Always have been and always will be. And as far as knowing whether it's a good thing or no, I'm not really sure.

And no, I don't think sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Sarcasm requires quick wit and the ability to extract any point of weakness in a conversation. And the timing. I'm not going to go into detail about how absolutely moronic I find that statement because then this post will go on forever.

Perhaps not being able to be sarcastic has something to do with an inability to use sarcasm. And leads to finding sarcasm stupid.

All my friends say, I'm sarcastic. And I know I am. And I have never ever denied it. In my defence, you should meet my mum. She tops me in those stakes. But anyway.

I never pick on any one person. I make jokes at my friends' expense without picking on any one person. I know how it feels to be the butt of jokes all the time, and I would never do that to anybody else.

I'm not really sure if this merited a post but that's why I started this blog. To ramble on about things nobody else might care to listen to.

Addictive

2009-03-20T01:33:00.004+05:30

Now that I've started blogging again. It's hard to stop.

Sigh. I'm such a contradiction.

Also, check out my cool new sidebar. I am now on Twitter. Yay!

I'm an extrovert

2009-03-20T01:10:00.005+05:30

I took this test on IHM's blog and I've been meaning to post about it for a while.

It turned out that I'm an ENFP - The "Advocate"

ENFPs are introspective, values-oriented, inspiring, social and extremely expressive. They actively send their thoughts and ideas out into the world as a way to bring attention to what they feel to be important, which often has to do with ethics and current events. ENFPs are natural advocates, attracting people to themselves and their cause with excellent people skills, warmth, energy and positivity. ENFPs are described as creative, resourceful, assertive, spontaneous, life-loving, charismatic, passionate and experimental.

Now, what I want to know is, do you agree? Those who know me only through the blog as well as those who know me out of this space as well. What do you think? Do I really have the above qualities.

P.S: Take the test too. It's fun.

Finally a new post

2009-03-20T00:45:00.009+05:30

I haven't really been wanting to blog lately. Despite the promises I made myself of trying to blog at least once a day.

And it isn't from a lack of ideas to blog about there have been plenty. The lawyers' strike in Tamil Nadu, my favourite professor resigning from college, my new job.

But I've settled very comfortably into what I like to call The Rut.

The Rut is a very nice place. There's no baring of souls. There's no honesty. No rants or rages. No anger or despair. All that's in the Rut is work, work and more work with a sprinkling of friends, laughter and very few books.

And I probably wouldn't have clawed my way out without some of you. Homecooked, Moo, who actually seemed to care about the fact that I hadn't posted in a while and it was nice to know that while the world doesn't exactly stop turning, it does take notice when I duck out for a while.

And one other person, who'll know whom I'm talking about. With whom every second Google Talk conversation was peppered with why the f*** I wasn't updating the blog.

Now, just cause Nadal isn't as pretty as Federer even when he cries, is no reason to get bent out of shape. But some people just don't seem to get it.

But I'm digressing, what I wanted to actually say was I'm back. Hopefully better than ever.

And you can expect a lot more posts in the next few days.

Fed Express Forever

2009-02-02T17:41:00.009+05:30

I wanted to write a post on Federer yesterday before the Australian Open final, but I got too caught up in the match and I'll just have to do it now.

Where do I begin? What a wonderful wonderful match! And yet, I wasn't that happy because Federer wasn't at his best. Visibly nervous. Double faulting. Poor first serve percentages. For last night, I will say this, Rafael Nadal deserved to win. He played and he played. He chased every ball down. Refused to give up and didn't seem rattled in the least bit.

Federer on the other hand, was visibly emotional. And I've seen him do something he rarely does ever before. Argue with the chair umpire a lot of the time.

And it absolutely broke my heart to see him cry. Roger Federer never shows emotion. Always calm, cool and collected. It's unbelievable to watch him weep. But I guess the emotion of it all was too much for him.

Nadal was king of clay. Federer of grass and the hard court. And now Nadal has taken both of those away from him.

But not to fear, knowing Federer, I'm sure he'll come back stronger than ever at the French Open and Wimbledon. And while I didn't want him to win the French Open a while earlier, I wanted him to have one bastion he hadn't conquered I don't want that anymore. He belongs up there. Right at the top.

Rafa, on the other hand. I've never liked him very much. He's more about power than placement, but he endeared himself to me, when he went up to Federer at the presentation ceremony, slung his left arm around his shoulder, put his head close to Federer's and helped him pull himself together. Like a big brother.

And it was wonderful to see that. That the two best players in world tennis right now are friends and generous enough to be able to do something like that.

And what a year, Rafa has had, Roland Garros, Wimbledon, the Olympic gold medal, World No 1 and now the Australian Open.

But even, with the brilliance of Nadal, I will always support Federer. Why? His whip-like fore-hand, the one hand backhander, the backhand slice, His serve. His placement. His sense of anticipation, his court sense and footwork. And yet, none of it can sum up to the absolute brilliance of the man.

TV really doesn't do him justice. Except when you want to watch the way he reates those spaces and gaps over and over again. Then you NEED television.

And that's why you can be sure, I'm going to be rooting for the Fed Express at all the grand slams this year.

P.S: I can't believe I forgot to link to this New York Times article yesterday.

Thanks Perakath!

Blog Rating

2009-01-28T17:32:00.005+05:30

I have around 10 posts sitting in my posts and tons of ideas in my head. But still, the only thing that I actually wanted to blog about is this.

I got my blog rating done today after I came across this on Sue's blog and I'm none too happy to see that they've rated my blog as Parental Guidance necessary. Hmph.

And now I'll be supposing you'll be wanting to do the same. Here.

An award

2009-01-06T15:20:00.003+05:30

“These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this text into the body of their award.”

What better way to start off the New Year on my blog with than an award. And it comes courtesy of Homecooked,one of my favourite bloggers who in her special wonderful way passed on this award to me. Thank you so much.

And I pass this on to

1) Moo

2) The Mad Momma (who I realise has probably recieved this award tons of times, but my list would be incomplete without her.)

3) Perakath

4) Mynie Moe

5) Neha

6) Xorkes

7) Disha

8) Milli

Good thing

2008-12-12T18:47:00.003+05:30

One good thing about work, is that it seems to get me to publish a lot more posts.

It's like I'm paid... to BLOG!

Which is not to say,t hat i don't work extremely hard, because of course I do!

Wipe that snigger off your face this minute

Weekend Bliss

2008-12-12T17:59:00.004+05:30

Or is it Blues?

I have a long hectic potentially jam packed weekend ahead of me. Nothing that I'm looking forward to very much in fact. Or am I?

I don't know. I've been virtually strapped into my seat for the last eight hours. Surviving on an orange. And because I know you won't tell anyone, a burger and fries from McDonald's, but before you judge me that was approximately four hours.

I've got a big night ahead of me too. A pseudo communion celebration for my cousin (don't ask!), a night out on the town celebration courtesy my friend's 21st birthday, a trip to college tomorrow to retrieve leaving certificate which I applied for sometime in May and since then have been too lazy to collect and transcripts. Another wedding I really don't want to go for in the evening, but which my Mum has coerced me into going for because I'm the youngest in the family. I'd much rather go play some volleyball and take out my frustrations by smashing the ball into someone's face.

Sunday, thus far seems pretty free, 'cept for the evening which is when I have to go for another communion.

Why did I say I liked December?

Randomity- Part Deux

2008-12-10T16:55:00.007+05:30

It is now exactly 4:55 pm. Another hour and five minutes until I'm officially supposed to leave work. And if I don't leave by 6, so help me God, I'm going to morph into uber bitch.

Because today is the day I start working out. Born of my inability to play any sport for more than a hour without wanting to keel over and die.

I'm also super hungry and having eaten ghaas-phoos, also known as vegetarian food all day, I'm craving one of those super soft spicy sausage rolls from one of my favourite bakeries in the world. Which I'm supposed to avoid, laced with calories and carbs as they are. And which is unfortunately right opposite the railway station and stares me in the face, ever time I go home.

Phbbt.

What makes this worse, is I need to go to my friendly(NOT!!) neighbourhood library and return the 15,000 books I picked up a month back and which the old man there is going to rip me off on late fees all the while smiling his fake smile and chattering nonsensically. And all of this when we probably makes more money off me, than he does off everybody else put together.

Weirdness

2008-12-10T15:53:00.005+05:30

I just came across this post on my blog a while back.

Is it just me or does the word 'Urges' sound ummmm... a bit perverted? And you know what makes it even more weird, the post before it that says 'Balm'

I know what your going to say, I really need to think before I put up post titles, but after a job that consists of giving head lines and intros and sub heads to shoddy pieces of writing, it's the last thing on my mind.

Update: I just reread this. And how jobless was I?

Sheesh. I embarass myself.

It's back

2008-12-10T15:17:00.006+05:30

It's back.

With even more panic and confusion than usual. This time I'm around, I'm even more afraid.

The last time this happened was around the time I was graduating college, when I didn't know what to do next. I knew I wanted to study further, but what, where and how completely flummoxed me and I decided it would be best for me perhaps to work for a year, so I would get a clearer idea of what I wanted to do next in life.

And now it's December and I've know I've got approximately four months until I start putting in applications for whatever it is I wanted to.

Yes, I'm aware that four months is a hell of a long time, but I don't want to work that way. I know me. And one of my many many skills is procrastination. And if I know I have a 120 days until I have to absolutely get off my fat ass and do something, I'm not going to do anything but postpone.

Also, another reason is, I'd like to definitely know what it is that I want to do and where I'm applying. Wrap up things here properly. Apply for my student loan, have a place to stay once I arrive there and if my mom sees this, she'll robably faint from shock, learn to even maybe cook a little. What? It's good to be self reliant! And besides, didn't Gandhi say something along those lines anyway?

And so, my plea to you, Oh great and wise Internet guru, as well as my loyal readers, of which there are very few, What the f*** do I do? Any ideas? Aside from of course, going to Edwise.

I've done my Bachelors in Mass Media so far, majoring in Journalism. I would like something along those lines. But HR is an option I am considering. So help me.

Pretty please.

December

2008-12-07T21:46:00.004+05:30

December is hands down my favourite month of the year. There's always so much to do. Parties to go to, people to meet, clothes to buy and food to eat.

But I haven't really been feeling like it's December yet. Almost christmas that too. Until today that is. I stumbled across a blog, Finding La Dolce Vita and I heard We wish you a Merry Christmas.

Finally, I'm in the spirit of the season. Woohoo..

Also, on a completely unrelated matter, is there anything hotter than a guy who dances well?

Seriously, is there?

Troy

2008-12-04T23:56:00.001+05:30

Is it just me or does anybody else think that Orlando Bloom is a real wuss in Troy?

Khoon Chala

2008-12-03T21:10:00.007+05:30

Rang De Basanti. One of my favourite movies. I don't care what others have to say about it, whether the message was right or no. I love it for the music, for the characters, for Aamir Khan and Kunal Kapoor, for the friendships, for the love, for the rebellion.

My favourite moments in the movie have always been the funny ones. The ones that had me laughing.

But with each time, I watch the movie. Something changes. And now the moments I appreciate the most are the ones that are hard-hitting and poignant.

The song Khoon Chala in particular, when Atul Kulkarni looks up at the politician who's his mentor and realises that his idol has feet of clay.

That for me, is the moment in the entire movie.

Especially poignant these days, don't you think?

Of opinions and more

2008-12-03T13:13:00.002+05:30

Everybody seems to be spouting an opinion on the Mumbai attack these days, including me. And often what we've been hearing has much repeated.

But these two articles that appeared in the New York Times. One by Thomas L Friedman and the other by Suketu Mehta, made a lot of sense to me as well as made for some interesting reading.

Reeling

2008-12-01T12:49:00.003+05:30

It;s been two days since the terror attacks and Mumbai still seems to be reeling from the effects of the terror attacks. The anger and the rage is overflowing. People are displaying unabashed hatred for our politicians. And promises are being made of how we aren't going to take this lying down and how we're going to fight back.

But I'm a little bit cynical, I wonder how how long before we forget and move on to dealing with our daily lives, until the next time 180 people are killed and over 300 injured.

But at the same time I'm proud. Proud of the stories I'm hearing of people, who've saved multiple lives. Who risked their own lives for others. The stories are pouring in now and they're heartwarming especially the one of VD Zende, the announcer at CST, who saved hundreds of lives with his quick thinking and presence of mind. I've been going around telling everyone his story and his bravery ranks right up there with those of the NSG commandos and police for me.

What really pissed me off however was ATS chief Hemant Karkare's funeral. Politicians all around the country came out in support of him. Talking about what an honest, upright and brave cop he was. Convienently forgetting that they had been maligning him for the Malegaon blasts just sometime back.

And how ashamed I was of the people who stood outside Nariman House chanting slogans and cheering, but mostly doing their best to get on the TV cameras. Barkha Dutt described it as Mumbai's 'spirit', I on the other hand think of it as voyeurism of the worst kind. How can you celebrate at a time when people are mourning the loss of their loved ones. When an operation is being carried out and there's a chance that there might be a loss of more lives. Most of them were there in the hope of seeing a little bit of blood and gore and take part in something that they've only seen in films. After all, often real life is stranger than reel.

But something that really broke my heart was Orange Jammies post. That is exacty the way I feel about Bombay and what I love about it. How much I miss it when I'm away and how I can't imagine myself living away from the city for too long.

I hope and pray that the government finally wakes and gives us back our city.

India's worst ever terror attack

2008-11-27T15:14:00.006+05:30

They've been calling it India's worst ever terror attack. And it is. Much much worse than anything I've ever sen.

It's been 16-17 hours since the attack began. But there hasn't been much headway yet. Hostage situations at three places. Countless people dead. Property destroyed. People terrified.

They're young, well dressed boys. Somebody you would expect would know better. These aren't amateur terrorists. They're sophisticated, well-trained attackers who know what they're doing. They've carried out their plans with military precision and left India and Mumbai reeling.

They came in by speedboat and the Indian Navy has just stopped a Karachi bound boat which refused to stop despite repeated calls. They came in to bring us to our knees.

Hemant Karkare and Vijay Salaskar. Two of Mumbai's seniormost and valuable police officials gone for ever. Havaldars and army men.

Security forces have been pouring in. The NSG, the RAF and the Marine Commandos.Flown down from Delhi. And now I'd like to ask Raj Thackeray, what he has to say about this, Why isn't he making a noise now about north Indian's pouring into the city?

And to top it all of, I had a conversation with a friend, about the whole situation and he spoke of how the police seemed to be doing nothing in particular, just running around and I completely lost it. I told him to shut the f*** up and put the phone down.

In such trying times, how can people think like this? Do they think it's a joke for them to go in. Knowing that there's a very good chance that they'll lose their lives. They should at least have a fighting chance to get in there and get back out. 14 policemen have already lost their lives.

I for one, have full faith in our security forces. The NSG is there and I think they're one of the best outfits in India. If anyone can bring this situation under control, it's them. And they're the ones leading the operation.

This is exactly why I never criticise my police officials, despite my moments of anger. Knowing that they always do the best they can. And why I don't really mind if they take a bribe. Because when situations like this happen, it's their lives on the line and most of us are safely at home.

The official line now is refusing to negotiate. And I completely agree. They shouldn't be let off in the slightest and should be completely punished for what they've done.

This is a cowardly, dastardly attack and the lowest of the low.

But I'm proud. Of my politicians. We haven't seen any finger pointing, the blame game hasn't been played. Politicians haven't poured into the city and made matters worse. They've let the security forces deal with the problem without the complications of politics. For that, I'm grateful.

And I'm completely with Chandni on this one.

F&%k you.

Bombay under seige

2008-11-27T00:37:00.011+05:30

Bombay has been reeling under terror attacks in the last couple of hours. The Oberoi and Taj hotels, Cafe Leopold's in Colaba, Cama and GT hospitals, VT station, Vile Parle and Santacruz.

Men have stormed in with AK 47's and hand grenades and have been gunning people down.

And this has affected me like nothing has in a while. Cafe Leopold's, VT are all places you'll find me at most often. When I was in college, Colaba was my hangout of choice and Leopold's a favourite place to be at with some beer and their famous beef chilly. The minute I would walk in, I would run into at least 5 people I know. And any Xavierite or Wilsonian will agree with me.

It's just simply heartbroken and I'm finding it hard to comprehend. The hardest part though was when the camera panned around Leopold's to show a pool of blood in a corner. Why do people have to do this? How cold-blooded and devoid of feeling can a human being be to stand in front of a roomful of people and shoot them down.

The last two hours since I've found out have passed in calling and returning calls and watching the news. Looking at the police going about their jobs.

But what's infuriating me now is thinking of people like Raj Thackeray who occupy our police with usual issues like who's Bihari and who's Maharashtrian. As I've said before, we have 1 policeman for every 700 people, and it's time we let them do their jobs.

In the latest news, a plane load of commandos and an NSG team has departed from Delhi to Mumbai. I hope this is solved and normalcy restored and we can go back to living our lives without fear.

Edited to Add: TV reporters seem to sink lower everytime. An NDTV correspondent asked a man who escaped from the Taj whether he's scared. *Sigh*

Cheater cheater pumpkin eater

2008-11-19T12:17:00.007+05:30

I cheated today.

Not on a boyfriend or anything of that sort, before you let your imagination run away with you.

But at a stupid little game of volleyball. Played entirely for the purpose of fun and a miserly bottle of Pepsi.

Well, anyway the score was tied, the other team was serving. One of the boys on the opposite team smashed the ball over to our side. We thought it was out and left it, only to have it bounce on the sideline.

The other team starts celebrating and my team minus me, starts screaming about how the ball was out, and then everybody started arguing.

One of my team mates comes up to me and says, 'It was out. You don't say anything, we'll handle it.'

And I didn't. Because I was the only girl in the team and I didn't want to have all the boys shout at me. I now see that for the miserable excuse it is. That I, who's always prided myself on my courage and honesty and fearlessness could be scared of incurring the wrath of five boys.

And when the other team turned to me, because of the fact that I've never lied before. I said it was out. All because it seemed oh so important to my team that we win.

To put it simply I LIED.

We went on to win. And the Pepsi was drunk and all of that.

But all evening and all of today morning, I've been feeling dreadful. I can't believe that I cheated. I walked home from the game with a heavy heart. Unable to believe that I could sink so low.

I may be making a bigger deal out of this than I should. It was just one inconsequential game of volleyball. But I can't help it. If I can lie for something as inane as whether the ball was in or out. What else can I possibly lie about?

I solemnly swear though, that I shall never do something like this again.

Now, if only this feeling of having done a great wrong would go away.

Remembering Avanti

2008-11-10T02:21:00.008+05:30

Day before yesterday, on the 8th of November 2008, Avanti Desai would have turned 21. Instead 15 days before her birthday, as she hurried home to celebrate her grandmother's birthday, Avanti met with a train accident at Jogeshwari station.

Just like that. Gone from our lives forever. Leaving behind a huge void and the world a lot more gloomier.

And when I got the call first thing in the morning, I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a cruel sadistic joke, but as the calls kept coming in, I realised it was true. Even at the cemetary, looking at her body, it still hadn't sunk in that Avanti was no longer here. The worst moment though was when they slid her body into the electric crematorium, it was horrible and I couldn't believe we were leaving her there, and through the next couple of hours all I could think of was of her body burning while we stood there in the bright sunshine.

It seemed incomprehensible at first, to think of Avanti as dead, to talk about her in the past tense, to get used to the idea that I wouldn't see her smile again or hear her laugh, to hear her obsess over Shah Rukh Khan and talk nonstop about her hair, never experience that typical Avanti sarcasm and wit. To not have random late night conversations on MSN Messenger with her again, or send her stupid smses.

Avanti was one of the most brilliant classmates I've ever had. Well-read, well-informed, her intelligence and knowledge of politics never failed to astound me. But what was best about Avanti was despite the fact that she was intelligent, unlike a lot of other people from class, she was never anal about it and was one of the most unaffected, unassuming people in class, who despite knowing so much was never snooty and always ready to have some fun.

And even though we honestly only became friends in third year, Avanti was someone I always held in highest regard and someone I was sure would do exceedingly well for herself. She, for me, was the one who would be the most famous of us all, the one I would say, 'I went to college with that girl.'

And now all of that is no more. Gone.

And while I feel so terrible, I can't even begin to imagine what her parents might be going through and for the rest of my life, the image of her bereft father at the funeral will stay with me. No parent should ever have to go through something like that.

My deepest regret however is that I spoke to her a couple of days before her death, and as she was traveling in the train and she couldn't hear me too clearly, I said I would call her back and then I didn't because I forgot.

And that is something I will never be able to forgive myself for. Not calling her back.

RIP Avanti. You are loved and missed.

Hogwash

2008-11-05T00:33:00.003+05:30

Headlines Today has been telecasting nonstop for the past hour, the news of Dr Akhilesh Prasad Singh, the Union Minister of State for Agriculture, Consumer Affairs, Food and PD, assaulting and abusing a staff member of Kingfisher Airlines. To read about it, go here.

The minister was on Headlines Today, where he said that he arrived at the Patna Airport at 8:15 pm, for an 8:30 flight. On questioning by the anchor, he said that the security formalities were completed by his staff.

How ridiculous is that? 15 mins before a flight takes off, the man dares to turn up and on being told he can't board the flight, assaults the manager. All because he has behind him the weight of the ministry. When the plane has already begun take off procedures, he demands to be allowed to board the flight.

Ordinary mortals like us on the other hand, turn up an hour earlier for flights, even with conveniences like online check-ins. We board the flight 30 mins in advance, follow all the rules, go through our security checks dutifully and do everything we're supposed to do.

What are we? Idiots?

His defence is that he has been part of the Bihar Assembly for the last five years and the Lok Sabha for four and half years and the very idea of him abusing someone is unthinkable. The best part however, is this, the Minister claims he's the 'victim'.

Next I'm sure we'll hear him saying how this is a plot by other political parties to besmirch his name.

Anyway, to read the minister's official statement, check out the press information bureau of the government. It explains in detail, his view/position/version/lie of what really happened.

Of babies and more

2008-10-14T17:19:00.009+05:30

I saw this post on Moo's blog and my total lack of imagination has led me to stealing an idea from her. I've hit new levels of pathetic. Along with new levels of melodrama. Anyway, this post made me think because maybe even a year or so back. I would have been right in there, shaking my head vigorously agreeing with her. I was the baby hater. I couldn't stand whiny, crying babies with a lot of demands. I was so anti-baby, that I even told my back up friend, y'know back up friend? Anyway, I made it clear to him from the very beginning that as and when we were married, we would adopt and not young babies but kids who were at the very least four years old.

I cringed when babies entered trains anticipating loud yells and an end to the peaceful ride home. I detested kids who entered buses and had to be given seats. Babies in shopping malls and theaters. Which is why my next statement will come as a big shock to a lot of people.

I've crossed over to the other side. *hangs head shamefaced*

I have started to like babies now and it astounds me too. When a baby enters the bus or the train I am in, instead of making disgusted faces, I coo and the first thought that comes to my mind is 'how cute'.

I think all the mommy blogs, I've been reading have gone to my brain. The mad momma, Kiran, Desigirl and Maggie. They're all to blame I tell you. Thanks to them, I want to go around hugging the Brat and the Bean. I want to hear babies mispronounce all their words. And just be freer and happier than we are generally. I think of Krish every time I go to Inorbit or I see a kid dressed in Spiderman.

Sigh. When did I take a 180 degree turn. Now if only the food blogs would make me want to cook.

Of Stereotypes and more

2008-10-09T01:36:00.008+05:30

All our newspapers are full of how the accused behind the recent blasts in the country are well educated young men. Working with software giants like Yahoo!

Our policemen though, it seems are still to get the message. What else would explain the persistent checking at railway stations of shabbily dressed men carrying large bags and suitcases. While the relatively better dressed and much more educated looking aren't even subjected to a cursory glance.

What about women, you ask? Nada. Zilch. Nothing. The police force seems to think of women as being incapable of anything even remotely related to violence.(I don't think they've seen the fights at peak hour). But that aside, I have never ever seen a woman checked and often when I'm carrying a huge bag, I dawdle past the police desk in the hope that I'll be checked and I've never been questioned or even gazed at suspiciously.

In Palestine and Israel, Italy and Chechnya women are being used increasingly as terrorists as well as suicide bombers. Rajiv Gandhi was murdered by Thenmuli Rajaratnam, a female LTTE suicide bomber. Jammu and Kashmir has been facing this problem too.

All I can is that I hope the Mumbai police force smells the coffee and institutes random checks on people regardless of age, sex, economic status and clothes.

Parents

2008-10-08T22:32:00.006+05:30

Parents are a weird sorta people.

My case in point, when I was in college and school, the popular refrain around here was "You can do whatever you want to when your working and earning your own money."

Fair enough. And I waited breathlessly until the moment I earned my own cash (which I'm now regretting I might add, I prefer the comfort of college)

Anyway, as you all know, I'm working now.

Now however the new dialogue around here is 'As long as your living under our roof, you'll do as we say"

Sheesh.

Babyhood

2008-09-30T01:31:00.009+05:30

I'm bored and I have nothing better to do in life, which is why I'm putting up baby pictures of me. :D

I'm the mischievous one, first from the right, making the weird face. :D

My brother and me playing with our toys

A fancy dress competition where I dressed as a bunch of grapes.

And to end with so you don't think I was a terrible child, a pic of me on my first birthday. :D

Sad

2008-09-29T02:33:00.005+05:30

A friend of mine is in a job which requires him to go incommunicado more often than not. He can't call very often. maybe about once in a couple of months and emails about once a month.

He called me a couple of days and we've been talking ever since then. Not through out, but sporadically here and there. And from today, I won't be able to call him for another couple of months and I'm absolutely wallowing in misery right now.

Yes, the fact that I'm a drama queen doesn't help very much. but I do miss him much much more than I realised and the thought that I have to stay away from him for this long is breaking my heart. I have to get used to not being able to talk to him all over again now. To not running every time I hear the phone ringing and not being able to pick up the phone and hear his voice say hello in that special little way of his. Yes I'm aware it's only 2 months more, but still. I hate it. I hate communicating via e-mail, its no match for long phone conversations.

Sigh. I'm very depressed

And if you think I sound lovesick, I'm not!

And it's not love.

Wanderlust

2008-09-24T02:10:00.004+05:30

I've been going through a weird phase lately. Where all I've wanted to do is pick up my bag and go off into the world. With my camera, a book or two and my beloved music.

It's been eating away at me for days. It's even been my Gtalk status and I don't mean go off to Goa and stay in a luxurious hotel. I want to go to Cairo and Baghdad, to Tibet and Ladakh, to rough it out and to soak it all in.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not just craving for places outside India, I would be just as happy to visit Hampi and Khajuraho, Dharamshala and Srinagar, Annamalai and Cochin.

But what saddens me is the most, is how frowned upon that would be. For me to travel all alone. And how my parents would never allow it. I wish I lived in a country so safe, that I could travel it's length and breadth without any worries at all.

But que sera sera. And hopefully someday I'll find that perfect travel companion. Boy or girl. Whichever it is. Though I would love it if there's that same itch for adventure in my boyfriend/husband that there is in me.

And for now, I came across a poem in a book I was reading recently. And it fit into exactly what I was feeling in a way and much better than I could have ever said it. I put it up on my other blog. The link is right here.

Happy reading!

Floater

2008-09-08T00:32:00.004+05:30

Some one told me around 3 years back, that I float from group to group. She didn't mean it in a bad way. It was just her observation when we were all talking and I have absolutely no problem with it. She's entitled to her opinion.

But all of a sudden, it popped into my head and I felt it quite deserved a post.

I'll be the first to admit. I do have a lot of friends. I have my school friends, my colony friends, my Xaviers college friends, my Wilson friends, my Wilsons basketball friends, 2 sets of friends from the place where I live in now, and a bunch of friends who don't fit into any specific group, but who are just there. And I love all of them, very very much.

I have so many friends that my mum sometimes has a hard time figuring out who I'm with and how I know them. My brother says I should have the word "Sociable" stamped across my forehead. But I love it that way. I love knowing that I have so many friends. And yes I know the difference between friends and acquaintances.

Some of them are closer to me than others. And they all give me different things in their own very special different ways. They all have different perspectives on the very same issue.

But honestly, the thing with me is that I'm a very go with the wind sorta person. I've always , happy and the up for anything type and I don't think I've made any special effort to be good friends with anyone, it's just happened and now I can't imagine life without these people.

I go where ever with whom ever I feel I'll have the most fun with at a certain point of time. And I have no issues with it. I still try to fit in important occasions like birthdays and the rest, but other then that, it's just whatever sounds the most fun!

P.S: I've already decided what my New Year's post is going to be, dedicated to all the wonderful people in my life. :D

Public or Private

2008-09-08T00:17:00.003+05:30

I tried accessing someone's blog recently, only to realise that it was now private.

And since that's something I've been contemplating doing for a while now, it hit me.

I started work as you all know, a month ago. And since I sometimes access my blog at work, because I find it hard to stay away from the goings on in the blogging world for more than a few hours, a colleague of mine has noticed and has been asking for the link to my blog, which I've been avoiding rather successfully.

But sooner or later, she'll put me on the spot, and then I'll be in a quandry. I'm not worried about her accessing the blog because there are personal things she'll know about me. But because in a way, it'll take away my honesty, where else would I crib about my work and everything else, if not here.

And I'd hate for them to get the wrong impression simply because, while I might crib, I don't really let it affect me or my interactions with people. But seeing it up here, might force them to think in a completely different tangent and it could lead to a lot of general unpleasantness all around, which I want to avoid.

What should I do? Help!

Comments and more

2008-09-06T01:24:00.004+05:30

I've been thinking about comments lately.

Don't worry. Not mine. Because discounting those few faithful commenters I have, it's a rare occasion for me to have commenters.

Not like the Mad Momma or the Compulsive Confessor, for whom I'm more shocked, if they get less than 30 comments on a post.

And they deserve it all, for the absolutely brilliant, incisive, honest, capture you with the first line bloggers they are.

And this isn't about how envious I am either, well maybe just a teeny tiny bit(what? I'm only human!)

But more because I wonder how they feel when they receive a comment. Me? I'm super excited, walking on the clouds would be an understatement. I rush over immediately to check out the comment as soon as I read the notification on GMAIL.

It's hard to put in words exactly what I feel but well, I just imagine them laughing along as they read comments and type in replies. Rage when a troll sends them rude comments. Cry at the more beautiful ones, what they feel when they get a new perspective, the joy when they're praised.

All, just my overactive imagination at work. But what to do? I'm like that only.

Truth be told, I never feel more a part, a very insignificant part though, of the blogging community, than I do then.

Urges

2008-09-05T00:46:00.001+05:30

I have this wild crazy urge to write long rambling posts.

But I have no idea about what.

Sigh.

Balm

2008-09-05T00:35:00.003+05:30

Forget all the cribbing I did about work.

It's all smoothened over now.

With my first ever salary.

Until the next fracas that happens that is.

One Month

2008-08-29T17:13:00.005+05:30

It's been a month since I've started work. And I'm not quite sure whether I like it or no yet.

On some levels, I like it. Despite the ruined Saturday nights, when instead of living it up, I'm stuck inside a cold office, working my butt off till at least 11:3o in the night.

I enjoy the work. It's fun and challenging and there's something new every time I go out on a story. I've learned so much I never knew a month ago. I know how to assign stories, to pull from the system. To communicate to the photographers exactly what pictures I want. To sub-edit stories and talk to people and get my work done.

I've gone on my first ever press conference and had sushi at the ITC Sheraton. Met my first sets of pseudo stars and covered a wider genre of articles than I could have thought possible.

In short, judging by the work aspect I love it.

What I don't like however, is the work atmosphere. There seems to be a lot of behind the back bitching going around, that I'm not exactly comfortable with. My school of thought being that if you can't say something good about someone, don't say anything at all.

And none of these people in my team seem to be acquainted with it. The moment someone leaves a room, it begins and if they aren't doing that, they're all belly aching about how hard the work is and how the boss doesn't seem to understand them. All of it culminating in my boss resigning on Monday and our team now being left leaderless under someone who isn't exactly the best leader and boss.

Sigh.

I hope things get better soon. Though I'm sure my first salary will smoothen a lot of that over.

All about Me.. (and my Work)

2008-08-27T01:02:00.006+05:30

I got tagged for this by Homecooked ages ago. And I should probably be shot for not doing this earlier but I plead a hectic work life and a recurring problem of chronic laziness. :D

Anyway, here goes

I am: dreading the thought of work tomorrow.

I think: I should go to sleep now.

I want: to skivvy off work tomorrow.

I have: ummm... lots of work to do???

I wish: I didn't have any work to do.

I hate: colleagues who bitch.

I miss: Wilsons

I fear: getting fired.

I feel: lazy

I hear: my dad on the phone

I crave: chocolate.

I search: for my 2GB pen drive

I regret: lending my 4GB pen drive to my friend

I love: Sundays. My one day off.

I care: for the people and issues I feel are important

I am not: ambitious and pushy.

I believe: in the people I love.

I dance: whenever the mood takes me.

I sing: badly but off and on.

I cry: way too often lately.

I fight: only when I feel truly wronged and offended.

I win: sometimes

I lose: my keys

I never: force my opinions on other people.

I always: buy popcorn at movies.

I confuse: friendship and love.

I listen: to all the endless love sagas.

I can usually be found: at home or at work or some where in Bombay.

I am scared: of losing out on the people I love.

I am happy about: everything in general, even my work.

I tag Neha.

Also, I apologise Homecooked for the work obsessed tag, but this has pretty much been the only thing on my mind for the last one month. I'll do a better job next time I swear!

One year...

2008-08-17T14:16:00.004+05:30

of being a blog.

Yesterday was my blog's first birthday. And I'm quite speechless and I don't know what to say really.

It's hard to pinpoint what exactly I've gotten out of this blog. And to say things that I haven't said before.

But I'll try. Mostly I've used it as a space to vent and rage, to talk about issues and things that most probably people wouldn't want to listen to, to unabashedly give my opinions and pass judgement when I wouldn't really give them otherwise.

Thank you blog.

Tri-colour Flying High

2008-08-11T17:55:00.007+05:30

My day began with an sms from Times Now saying, India wins first ever individual gold. Abhinav Bindra creates history at the Olympics. Catch the breaking news on TIMES NOW.

I don't think I've ever been so glad to recieve an sms from TIMES NOW.

I raced out of bed and switched on the TV and kept flipping from channel to channel to catch glimpses of Abhinav Bindra.

As the opening day of the Olympics came closer and closer, I got more and more excited. And I pretty much watched the Olympics opening ceremony with a heavy heart wishing I could be there.

But all of that aside, I kept hoping secretly that the Indian contingent would win a handful of medals and come back. And not just a solitary bronze. I even meant to post about it but I was busy with work type things, y'know?

I didn't voice my hopes though cause I pretty much knew that people would be violently disagreeing with me and pointing out what an optimistic person I am and how I need to wake up and see the reality.

But with all the joy, I only wish that the gold had gone to somebody who had trained and everything in India, that would have been a true victory. Not that I have anything against the fact that Abhinav Bindra trained abroad. I understand that the facilities available abroad are way better and that the coaching there maybe better as well.

But I still would have celebrated more if he had done well on his own steam, on the facilities available in India, that he had risen to the top without having to rely on outside support.

I also wish that the Indian contingent picks up some more medals, it'a only been around 3 days since the Olympics began and there's still loads of time and loads of disciplines to win in. And I won't even mind if they're bronze.

Also, I can' t help but agree with Dr M.S Gill when he says, "It's better than the T20 win." We spend so much on cricket, in times of money, energy, support and facilities, it should be more of a surprise that we lose as often we do. This was totally unexpected and more important and path-breaking to win in an alternative sport.

28 years later. Hallelujah!!

Unlicensed

2008-08-07T00:22:00.005+05:30

As you may know, if you've been reading my blog , I started driving classes more than a month ago. I've been going for classes ever since then fairly regularly with a few missed classes here and there.

Anyway, my driving test was on Wednesday. For which I was supposed to present myself at the driving school at nine thirty which I did. And we set off in a sumo for the RTO at Mumbai Central. It was a rainy day and the entire time we were there, it poured. After waiting for a couple of hours, 8 other people from my driving school and me were given our forms and taken to an office, where we were made to submit our forms.

And the next thing I knew, they told me that the test was done with, passed had been written on the form without any actual test being conducted. And I would get my license in a couple of days, which I did today.

And I for one, am extremely disappointed by the whole process, it strikes me as really sad that this is the system which we're living in. Imagine if I turn out to be another Alistair Pereira, irresponsible and a bad driver, the drinking is something else, whatever had happened might not have happened, if only someone had taken my test and I had perhaps failed it or been made it to give it again.

As of now, I have no idea what kind of driver I am, until my dad gives me a chance to drive his car. I don't know whether I'm good or bad. Whether I have judgement and road sense or not. I would have liked feedback, whether positive or negative and if I had failed the test, I would have felt bad but perhaps not as bad as I am feeling right now knwoing that I didn't even give the damn test which would have taken all of 10 minutes and which I'd have gracefully sacrificed.

And now, that I've gotten my license I can only hope and pray that the license was well-deserved.

Work Sucks

2008-08-06T00:01:00.002+05:30

I'm a Working Drudge.

*Sigh*

Pity me.

My First Day

2008-07-28T02:02:00.004+05:30

I start work tomorrow for the first time ever. And I'm terrified. Not of the new people or the new place.

But of not performing well and not living up to what they expect of me and what I expect of myself.

I'm scared that I'll be fired.

But most of all, what terrifies me, is the thought that I might realize that journalism is not the profession for me. That i might not be good at it and be forced to give it up.

And so, as I begin work tomorrow. All those of you reading this, lurkers and regular readers, please pray for me that all goes well. That I may be good at whatever it is I'm supposed to do. And that this turns out to be the profession for me.